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Fall 2007 College Football Season Wacky by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles


Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
Fall 2007 College Football Season Wacky

  How else can you describe it? Absolutely no major football team wants to win the BCS. If you get as high as second place you become just like second in command at Al-Qeada, you’re dead within a week. Not much better if you’re first as USC, Ohio State, LSU and Kansas will attest.
    According to Sports Illustrated, the most valuable and profitable college football program is Notre Dame. See, Virginia, winning is NOT everything… and, oh yeah, there’s no Santa Claus.

Alabama, coached by a $ 4 million coach, lost to Louisiana-Monroe, coached by a
$ 130,000 coach. If you are keeping score those are 30 to 1 odds.

    The $ 4 million dollar coach, Nick Saban, goes on television and apologizes to the state and Alabama fans for losing, at home, to a team that not only lost to North Texas, but happens to be coached by a coach whose yearly salary is less than what Coach Nick makes in half a game.

    The $ 4 million coach, Nick Saban, compares the loss to Louisiana-Monroe, coached by Charlie Weatherbie the $ 130,000 coach, to 9/11 and Pearl Harbor.

    Twice in two years Dennis Franchione guides Texas A&M to a defeat over their number one rival – Texas. His reward for such efforts? The door.

    Boise State plays their heated rival, the Idaho University Vandals. The Boise fans taunt Idaho fans by wearing ‘Senator Craig is a Vandal’ tee-shirts. Boise State wins the game but several bladders burst as neither team’s fans go near the bathrooms.

    Baylor, certain that former player and San Francisco 49er coach, Mike Singletary, will jump aboard, fires coach Guy Morriss. Mike comes to interview. Waco rejoices until Singletary comes to his senses after realizing the team he is being asked to coach is… Baylor.

    The top candidate for the Heisman – Dennis Dixon of Oregon – plays against Arizona two weeks after tearing the ligament in his knee. He tears it even worse against Arizona. And since Dixon’s season ended at Arizona, Nick Saban called Dixon’s injury a catastrophe comparable to Pearl Harbor.

    A few days later Oklahoma, lifted to the number two spot by Oregon’s defeat at Arizona, had a quarterback suffer a game-ending concussion and lose to the Red Raiders. Seeing a similarity between the words Red Raiders and Red Sun Raiders and also the fact that both Arizona and Oklahoma had their ships sunk in similar circumstances caused Nick Saban once again to call this a catastrophe comparable to Pearl Harbor.

    Tennessee, another school with a ship of the same name sunk at Pearl Harbor, survives a multi-overtime scare with a victory over Kentucky and wins the SEC East. Since Nick Saban’s team plays in the SEC, he is once again asked to comment. Nick’s comment concludes that it’s fitting that after all these big teams fell the only undefeated team remaining is… Hawaii.
Fall 2007 College Football Season Wacky by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles

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