ANNIKA'S SUMMER

   
    “The phone’s ringing off the wall, again.”
    Annika’s sister, Charlotta, is taking some time off from her own LPGA rigors to help field the constant queries brought on by Annika’s third place finish at the Colonial May 25th. The calls may not have been so excessive had she not bested Tiger Woods by two strokes.
    “It’s Phil Knight, of Nike, for the third time. Won’t you take it?”
    “What’s he up to?”
    “$40 Million. He says he must talk to you today. He says every little girl in the world wants Annika golf stuff.”
    “Even in Sweden?”
    “He says he’s got two Singapore factories lined up just for Sweden.”
    “That’s still less than Tiger. Let him sweat.”
    “Muscle and Fitness Magazine wants to put your abs on their cover. Everybody wants Annika abs.”
    “You’re kidding me, right Sis.”
    “No. Your abs will take over the newsstand. Oh, and we’ve got a call from someone who wants to repair your drive ways, fix your sidewalks and practice short irons.”
    “It’s Cory Pavin, isn’t it. You’re trying to make me laugh. You know I don’t laugh.”
“Mercedes-Benz wants your OK to make an Annika model. And they want to make the grill in the shape of your abs.”

    “My abs, again, please. I’m not chuckling. I pick the seat covers and they guarantee they won’t sell one to V.J. Singh.”
    “This is crazy. They want you to do an Annika Magazine for women’s golf and tennis. You’ll be on the cover every month like Oprah or Rosie except no bandages.”
    ‘Do I have to start a book club?”
    “David Letterman’s on the phone. He wants you out again.”
    “He’s going to make fun of my David (her husband, David Esch). He’ll call him a ski bum. We’ll work it around the Shop Rite or the Big Apple Classic. Or maybe he’d do a show in Tahoe.”
    “Phil Mickelson’s calling again.”
    “Again?”
    “He’s still wanting you to go in with him on endorsing uni-sex golf bras.”
    “And he won’t stop with this idea?”
    “He say’s it’s improved his game two strokes.”
    “Sure. For him.  I dunno…”
    “Mattel is on the line. The Annika Doll, once more.”
    “Tell them one last time – only if they drop Barbie.”
    “Martha Burk’s on the line.”
    “Really? What does she need this time?”
    “She says she’d like you to know that the name Bertha is demeaning to large women. She thinks if you talk to Callaway, they’ll change their driver to the “Big Lotta.”
    “Like in Charlotta? You’re a kidder, Sis.”
    “I’ve got you smiling now. Should I give Martha Phil Mickelson’s number?”
    “You’re wicked. You’re a wicked sister.”
    “And they say you’re so serious. How about this? They’ll hook up. And one of Phil’s bras will be the “Hootie” model.”
    “You’re so wicked.”