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Appalachian State Adages by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles


Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
Appalachian State Adages

         “Be careful when you fight the monsters lest you become one.” – Fredrick Neitzsche,
Appalachian State alumnus, 1868.

    “A smaller school can beat a bigger school if smaller school has faster players at skilled
positions.” – Steven J. Dubner, Author of Freakonomics, Appalachian State alumnus.

    “Appalachian State is on a map. I can find it because my school beat Michigan which is near Asia so the South African people can education there.” Lauren Caitlen Upton, Miss South Carolina, Appalachian State student.

    We’ve collected Appalachian State quotes because the little school from Boone, North Carolina beat Michigan 34-32 making it the biggest upset in college football history. Correction – the biggest upset in football history. The Mountaineers, named so because their school rests in the Blue Ridge Mountains at an elevation of 3333 feet, deserve all the quotes we can gather. And their elevation, although low compared to Colorado U, Wyoming U or several Utah schools, can whip those schools in poker. More quotes:

    “Always a-winning, always a-grinning, always a-feeling fine. You bet, hey.” This is from Appalachian State’s fight song. You can bet all the App State fans were a-grinning and saying “Hey” after their victory at Michigan. You can also bet App State was a little hurt when they found out Ohio State paid Youngstown State $ 650,000 to come be beaten in Columbus while Michigan only paid the Mountaineers
$ 400,000 to come beat them in Ann Arbor.
    The map usage reference by Miss Upton above was not lost on the Appalachian State players.
“We game planned their team around the shape of their state,” says quarterback Armanti Edwards. “We split them into two peninsulas and then ran it right up their ulas.”

    This idea was seconded by their mascot “Yosef,” a heavily bearded mountain man whose name is derived from mountain lingo for “Yourself.” “I all time yellin’ ‘Ula Don’t embarrass yosef.’”

    “Make love, not belts. Beautiful.” Dr. House, graduate of Appalachian State, said on his TV show when asked by a patient to prescribe a sex suppressant drug after the patient says “I like cows. They are beautiful. So how can people make leather?”
    “Cows is purty,” says Yosef, “if I do say so mysef.”

    “I’m going to enroll at Appalachian State,” said a blogger last week, “If Miss South Carolina is that dumb, I’ve got a chance with her.”
Appalachian State Adages by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles
    “The typical street corner drug dealer makes less than $ 3.00 per hour,” says Freakonomics author and Appalachian State grad Stephen Dubner.   
    “Location, location, location,” offers real estate expert Yosef.

    “If your name is Dexter and you’re good, you should play for Appalachian State,” says  Dexter Coakley,  the most famous football player to ever play for App State, after watching speedster Dexter Jackson receive pass after pass against Michigan.

    And finally Daniel Boone, namesake for the little town where App State is located, said
“I have never been lost, but I will admit to being confused for several weeks.” We think he probably said this after reading our column.


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