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Ode To A Bad NBA Contract by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles


Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
Ode To A Bad NBA Contract

    The Portland Trail Blazers sent out an email to all NBA teams threatening to sue any team signing their former player, Darius Miles. If Miles plays, even for only a few games, the Blazers will be responsible for two years salary at $ 9 million each. To avoid this big hit they are using the law suit as intimidation and essentially trying to blackball Mr. Miles.

    The reason the Blazers are in this fix is a few years ago after Miles broke his knee the Blazers had a doctor testify it was a career ending injury. This allowed them to release Miles as a free agent and claim salary cap relief under his old contract. Miles had other ideas that, even with  microfracture surgery on his right knee, he felt he could play again.

    We’re not sure which side to join. On the one hand Miles has the right to resume his career. On the other hand the Blazers have always been straight shooters and are owned by Paul Allen, former Microsoft partner and one of the league’s more loveable billionaires. Plus they are art loving, quirky, outdoorsy type folks and whenever they’ve responded to us in the past they’ve done so in a cutesy way, like with poetry. This time when we asked, they didn’t disappoint.

Of all the various Dariuses
Miles is the worst
If a team tries to sign him, well…
They’ll be cursed, they’ll be cursed, they’ll be cursed

Miles broke his knee in multiple places
Diagnosed by a doctor “career ending”
Yet he apparently has not the good graces
To forego us the millions we’re spending

We got what we thought was relief
From the salary cap, our belief
Yet he returns with his knee partly mended
The cap room, once enjoyed, now rescinded
Ode To A Bad NBA Contract by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles
So we’re stuck paying dough - $ 18 million
Cause Miles done signed with the Grizzlies
We’ll sue them for eleventy billion
They deserve a fair share of our miseries

We’re mountain men, explorers and geeks
We represent the northwest at its finest
We canoe and travel the creeks
But don’t go signing a washed up player costing us money
Do you know what we can do to your computer systems?
Think about that, why don’t you?


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