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Banner Wars  by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles


Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
Banner Wars

       The skies were alive… with messages.
During the Bedlam game between OU and OSU in Stillwater, Oklahoma, small planes were flying over Lewis Field with banners. One read “45-35. SETTLED ON A NEUTRAL FIELD”.  Shortly afterward another plane flew over with a banner reading “39-33”.

The first banner was paid for by University of Texas fans at a cost of over $ 7000. Supposedly, the idea was to influence voters in the BCS to sway the Longhorns into the Big 12 Championship game. Unfortunately, for the UT fans, computers don’t read banners.

Then just the other day another banner flew over Austin. This one read “MACK, QUIT YOUR WHINING, U KNEW THE RULES.” Everyone assumes Oklahoma University fans paid for this banner. However, Texas Tech fans are claiming responsibility and the pilot of the aerial banner service thought his customers were Texas alums.

All we know is THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS!  We can see the value of a little aerial advertising.  It’s a sign, even in these recessionary times, that capitalism is still alive. It wasn’t so long ago when they couldn’t even fly over stadiums for fear the pilots might be terrorists. Now, they’re trying to influence who wins championships.  

So far, the warring banner flyers have been stationed in Austin and Lubbock. Texas Tech is in the fray because every time Mack Brown lines up another ESPN interview he always forgets to mention Texas Tech. It burns Tech fans Mack wants to negate Tech’s victory over Texas because Tech lost so badly to Oklahoma. And to them, no matter how Mack frames it, the logic doesn’t work.

We hate to say it, but in the Big 12 Championship game there may even be more banners. We heard Texas Tech fans may have a banner reading “MACK CONVINCED ME NOV 1ST DOESN’T EXIST… CAN I HAVE YOUR BIRTHDAY?” That was told to us by a guy named Coby.  Casey sent us another one: “THE GOOD 65-21, THE BAD 45-35, THE FORGOTTEN 39-33”. Another one suggested “.935 to .922. SETTLED ON A NEUTRAL COMPUTER.” 
If that one flew over, know it was paid for by Sooner fans.

    How far will they go? Will people try to punish Mack Brown for his excessive lobbying?
Will we see banners like “HEY MACK!! JEFF TEDFORD CALLED. HE SAID “QUIT YOUR WHINING.”? This was sent in by our friend Buttermaker who says Jeff Tedford, coach of the California Bears, never forgave Mack for his 2004 lobbying which propelled the Longhorns into the Rose Bowl and shut out the Bears. At the time of Mack’s lobbies, Texas trailed California by .0013 in the BCS.   
Banner Wars  by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles
    Like we said, the whole banner wars thing is overblown. We’re sure companies like Aerial Banners, Inc love it. It helps pay for the 75 hours of training required to be a banner pilot. We’re just not sure how much it helps. If it worked, Ron Paul would be president. If it worked,  Coach Larry Coker at Miami would have been fired two years before he was. If it worked, Mary would have married Ronald.  It’s not a good idea. Just like the bumper sticker on my proctologist’s car is not a good idea, the one that reads “TAILGATE ME NOW AND WAIT UNTIL I GET YOU IN MY OFFICE!” Yes, it may inhibit drivers from tailgating his car, however… it’s not good for business.


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