Richmond, Virginia held a contest to name their new AA baseball team. When the team name “Flying Squirrels” was selected the town folk went a little… shall we say “nutty.”

    Deal with it, Richmond. Your precious “Braves” left town. New ownership stepped up, held a legitimate contest and the name Flying Squirrels was picked. Or as my Spanish speaking Russian friend Davidoff Clarkinov likes to call them, Ardillas Voladoras.

    It could have been worse. How does the Richmond Hush Puppies sound? That name was a finalist. Ooooh, the Hush Puppies. Quiet everyone… the Puppies be in the house. Who let the Pups out … Yip,yip,yip, yip? Who let… do you see what I mean? Don’t know whether we’re talking about the shoe or the fried bread or little quiet doggies. Be happy with your Squirrels.

    It could have been worse. It could have been the Flying Monkeys… of Doom!! I know, I know. That sounds like a little league team … a darn feisty little league team, at that. It could have been worse. It could have been the Rock Hoppers, another finalist. Rock Hoppers are frogs.
Nobody’s going to call them the Rocks. They’ll be the Hoppers or the Frogs. Makes for a cute mascot but Richmond University already has a team called the Spiders and it wouldn’t be right to have the nickname of your professional team be one that eats the nickname of your college team.

    It could have been worse. Another finalist was the Flatheads, a politically incorrect term for inbred hill people. That’s the nick we were hoping for as nobody had previously championed inbreds. Why should forehead-lacking hill people be left out of the mascot business? “Come on, you cousin-lovin’ Flatheads!” “Get your inbreded feet down to first base!” We loved the possibilities, a mascot in L’il Abner garb, Daisy Maes as batgirls, even sandwiches made with flatbreads. “Get your flatbreads here, you sister-lovin’…” HOLD ON! We’re getting word that the term Flatheads was intended to mean the ugly fishies in Virginia lakes and not Backwoods Bubba with hair-gel in his eyes. Sorry.

    It could have been worse – the Richmond Rhinos! Actually… not bad, sort of masculine.
“Charge, you Rhinos, charge! And use your horn for sexual potency… not evil.” 
    It could have been worse. It could have been one of the names all the Richmond conservatives wanted like the Rebels, or the Virginians, or the Rapids. “Run you Rapids, run. And be all wet… and stuff.”

    But the Squirrels prevailed. Boris and Natasha approve. Bullwinkle is no where to be found. And Rocky’s name will never be mentioned, for that would be a trademark infringement.
The team, part of the San Francisco Giants organization, liked the pizzazz of the Flying Squirrels suggestion and awarded Brad Mead, the contest winner with two season tickets for life, a jacket and a cap. Way to go, Brad. Brad made the gutsy suggestion. Brad had the acorns to champion the Squirrels. Now their dugout will be the Squirrel Nest. We’ll be able to buy Squirrel hats. Hopefully, not hats made from real squirrels because that would be a tad un-mascotty… to kill an animal we love enough to represent our city just to cover our heads. It should be plastic hats like those folks in Arkansas use. You know who I mean, those sooey-pig screamers? The ones who wear a red pig shaped helmet to cover up their flat heads!  
    Go, Flying Squirrels, score. Be happy, Richmondites, as you eat your tasty bag of nuts. It could have been worse.