Barry Obama is dribbling down court like he was oft to do
when balling for Punahou High in Hawaii. The whole time he is
being tailed by that feisty little bulldog, Johnny McCain. Barry looks
off to his side and sees an equally feisty Joey Biden flying in from
the right. Does he pass to him? No. Because Sarah Barracuda has Biden
covered. She’s already kneed him once in the groin when he started
yappin’ for a pass. What is Barry to do… with the feisty McCain
blocking his path? Why, pull up for a jumper, of course. Not only is
Johnny six inches shorter than Barry, he can’t raise his arms above his
head, because they were compromised from injuries suffered in Vietnam.
McCain can’t block Barry’s shot which softly swishes the net despite
“That’s not fair.” says Johnny “To just jump up and loft a shot when he knows I can’t stretch out my arms.”
Joey replies “You were a mediocre junior varsity
player. You couldn’t block his shot with a pogo stick and a broom.”
“Well, you know where you can stick your five deferments.”
“In one of your seven houses?” Joey comes back.
“You asthma-claiming-draft-dodging-punk, at least I served.”
“And you crashed five Navy planes,” Joey snipes “How
you going to foot that bill? Does your wife have that much lying around
in her handbag?”
“Can I shoot him, Johnny?” Sarah chimes in.
“Well, Missy,” Joey replies, “why don’t you just go shoot Bullwinkle.”
“Please. Please, gentlemen and lady, this is a friendly game,” says Barry. “Cut it with the trash talking.”
“Barry, let me at Joey,” snarls Johnny. “Don’t try hiding him behind your ears.”
Barry replies “Listen, paleface, I said no name calling.”
“Johnny, this game is getting ridiculous,” Sarah jumps in. “Let’s just pull out.”
Joey says “Listen to her, Johnny, even though her family is not known for pulling out.”
“That’s low,” Johnny snaps, “even for you, Joe.
Sarah here was a high school star ballplayer and a University of Idaho
“She’s an Idaho Vandal, Barry,” Joey says. “Just like Senator Craig.”
“Senator Larry Craig?” Barry asks, “The Minneapolis
Airport- bathroom stall-toe-tapping-Senator is a Vandal?”
“Stop it, please. Stop it!” Johnny screams “Larry
may be a hypocritical homo but he’s our hypocritical homo.”
The above example is exactly the reason why we say
the election should be debated in an auditorium and not on a basketball
court, as Obama is asking. For even though McCain could get Barry and
Joey really, really drunk, using the beer from his wife’s breweries,
Barry and Joey would still smash them. Editor’s note: Joe
Biden is known not to drink. We doubt Biden would imbibe even if
Johnny’s wife broke out the good stuff.