Donald Trump and Mark Cuban are having a catfight. You must agree there’s nothing cuter than seeing shrill billionaires baring claws. Am I right? 

    This alley fight started when Donald Trump called Mark Cuban a “loser” on ESPN and then taunted him because Cuban’s team, the Dallas Mavericks, lost in the first round of the NBA playoffs. Trump went on to say “Cuban wants to be a player, and he’s not a player. Cuban probably wanted to be a winner all his life, and if ya look like him, you can’t be a winner. So that’s why his team choked.” Trump then went on to slam Cuban’s short-lived reality show “The Benefactor.”
   
    Uh-uh, Donald. That’s seems a little harsh, even coming from you. Mark’s show had good intentions. He was a “benefactor.”

    “You’ve got that wrong,” says Trump, “He was a copycat. And he was embarrassed when he tried to copy “The Apprentice” and failed. They threw him off television like a dog.”

    Oh, no, a dog? You all are having a cat fight. Don’t mess me up.

    “A dog, I said,” says Trump. “I wrote Mark a note and said you have no television persona. I could have told you, you were going to fail.” Then Trump goes on to say that the Mavericks have a great team but they’ll never win with Mark Cuban as an owner because “He is not a winner.” Yikes. That’s arched back feline type nastiness.

    What does Mr. Cuban say? “I guess Donald is still upset because he can’t buy an NBA team. No doubt the cash requirements of more than $ 10,000 created a problem for him. Hopefully he can sell enough Trump Perfume and Trump Dolls to save money and buy a team. Until then he’s a wannabe that needs a new spiel.”

    That’s how billionaires respond. They accuse other billionaires of being cash-strapped. I’m sure that burns Mr. Trump. Let’s ask Rosie O’Donnell. Rosie, wasn’t that pretty mean of Mr. Trump to call Mark Cuban a loser?

    “It doesn’t a surprise me,” Rosie might say. “Donald Trump likes to call folks ‘loser.’ And he likes to call some of us ‘fat’. I imagine he walks through his casinos and whenever he sees someone who just blew his life savings, he’ll go up and say ‘loser.’ ‘You’re a loser… and if you worked for me, you’re fired.’ Who knows with bald-headed billionaires? I’m betting his dad drilled that word ‘loser’ into him over and over. I bet his dad took little Donald out to some of their slums and said ‘Son, if you fail you’ll be living here, because you’ll be a LOSER!’ ”

    No way Mark Cuban is a loser. Lucky, maybe. Having the right dot.com at the right time? Yes. Building a team with a fan following and a player base as strong as any team in the league? Definitely. Cuban is certainly not a loser in my books. But to watch Cuban and Trump trot out their petty disagreements in the press does one thing. It makes you proud to be in a country where idiots can achieve unbelievable wealth while losing none of their childish ways.
Where else but America?