on Sports
ESPN Body Building An
                                          Eyeful by StanSilliman humor
                                          sports comedy cartoons


Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
ESPN Body Building An Eyeful

Muscle Magazine appears daily on ESPN.  Sometimes, the show features lady bodybuilders.  I’ve heard this show was just an excuse to show some skin, outfit ladies in the briefest of briefs, pander to the baser senses.  So I watched.

And watched, and watched.

As an overweight, happily married middle-aged suburbanite, I had stifled my desire for women’s bodies.  But, on this show, these were some I’d trade for.  And toss in a few Nikes in the bargain.  One brick-outhouse-built blond lady has arms I’d give my right arm for … the lady is built.  Otherwise she might not be on a bodybuilding show. 

She is hard in places where women aren’t supposed to be hard.  Put it this way:  Do you remember the scene in the movie, Rocky, where Stallone is doing pushups with one hand behind his back?  Well, she can do those pushups …with both arms behind her back.

This lady bodybuilder is also a firefighter.  I learned that on the ESPN slice-of-life segment, “Everything you wanted to ask,” ESPN’s contribution to educating America.  I can see where being a bodybuilder and being a firefighter has its advantages.  You slide down this pole faster when you’re oiled.  And if I were a fire and I saw her coming, I’d give up.  I’d crawl under a wet blanket.
ESPN Body Building An Eyeful by
                              StanSilliman humor sports comedy cartoons
Why such an interest in pumping iron?  Surely, it’s not because we’re a narcissistic, masochistic society with time on our hands (make that powder on our hands), is it?  Naah!  It’s a conspiracy between the Weider Bothers and full-length mirror manufacturers.

It’s money.  This internet is fueled by the successes of Rachel MacLish (royally ripped iron maiden and author of the best- selling “Tighten That Tushy So You Too Can Wear a G-String” and Arnold (Conan the Barbarian) Schwarzenegger.  Arnie showed us a new route to the American dream:  Immigrate.  Rip off that shirt.  Rip those muscles.  Oil up.  Marry a Kennedy.  And make $50 mil in the process.  Like all American dreams, this one has a glitch—more body builders than Kennedys.
It wasn’t always that way.  Used to be only Jack LaLane and Charles Atlas were touting strong bodies.  The Kennedys felt Jack got up too early and they knew little about Charles Atlas, since comic books were not permitted in the Kennedy household.  I know a little about Charles Atlas, since I had a very skinny good friend who was in the Charles Atlas ads.  My friend was the one who wiped sand off of the 98 pound weakling. 

My friend says that Mr. A had scruples, that Mr. A would not be prancing his pupils around in their skivvies on National TV.  No!  Mr. A would be in front of that set, eyes glued, with a hint of pride in the industry he’s spawned. 

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