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Danica Too Confrontica by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles


Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
Danica Too Confrontica

       Last Saturday before the Honda Indy 200, Danica Patrick walked over to Dreyer and
Reinbold Racing pit box to confront Milka Duno. Specifically, Patrick came over to complain
about her struggles to pass Duno and Duno would have none of it. Duno said “She came to my
team and our pit box in a bad way with bad words and I told her to go away.” Duno went on to
say “If you come in a nice way, we can talk. If you come in a bad way, you are going to find my
bad side. She can push the guys because they cannot do anything to her, but she cannot push me.
We are on equal condition.”   

    How many of you thinking “Cat fight!?” and wish it were so?

    Danica has had five pit box, pit row confrontations in the last four years. But this is the
first time Danica has confronted another female driver. Some fans are growing tired of Danica’s
act. Some say she’s the Michelle Wie of racing. Some say she’s only one race away from going
from IRL’s marketing dream to being its worse nightmare. Some say she’s a publicity hound even going as far as calling her the Paris Hilton of IRL.  Others are saying she’s being singled out
as whiney and bratty just because she’s a woman. We say this possibly has the makings of a nice
little operetta: CATFIGHTICA – starring Danica, Milka, and Helio Castroneves.

    Danica: No one understands me. I had to fight. I had to fight…
    Chorus: She had to fight!
    Danica: Anything I do is blown out of proportion, out of proportion… because I’m so
    Chorus: She’s so popular! So very popular! Her picture is everywhere. Everywhere, on
the air, at the fair, her long hair… so debonair, you see her stare… on a poster… everywhere!!
    Milka: She’s so popular? Thinks she’s hot stuff? Well, if she wants to play rough, I can
be tough. I can rip her pretty hair, ‘cause I won’t play fair… if she’s gonna play rough.
    Chorus: Catfight! Meowwww.
Danica Too Confrontica by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles
    Danica and milka walk toward each other, helmets off, fingernails out. Smoke steams
across the floor. The music heightens but then, just as Danica and Milka approach stage center, Helio steps between them. Paso Doble music ensues.
    Helio: Alo, ladies. Shall we dance?

    Helio flashes his pearlies, removes his cape and assumes the posture of a matador.
Danica and Milka retreat to the far corners of the stage and then return bent over in a bull
posture with their fingers making horns.

    Helio: Ladies, (Helio makes a swipe with his cape) chu (you) are both vonderful
(wonderful) drivers. Chu (you) must get along. (Helio stomps twice while flashing a Bob from
Enzyte smile and swinging his cap backwards). Do you like my pose?

    Danica and Milka each grab a Castroneves arm, and then stomp as they go in opposite
Directions. They then return, face each other and start to grab each other’s hair. Tense music Builds as Helio snatches Danica and Milka by the hand and says “Ladies, we have a dance to Finish. The paso doble demands ve (we) make a big finish.”

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