David Beckham leaves
the Real and joins the Galaxy.
In plainer language the world’s best known
“football” player leaves Europe (Real Madrid) to play Major League
Soccer for the Los Angeles Galaxy. However, if you consider Madrid as
the grounded “old world” and Los Angeles as this outer space enclave,
we couldn’t invent a better metaphor.
But wait, the fun doesn’t stop just with the fact
the Los Angeles team is named Galaxy.
Further investigation reveals a major recruiter in convincing Becks and
Posh to relocate is Tom Cruise and wife Katie. In other words, the
spaciest of the spaced-out Angelinos convinces “grounded” Brits to trek
among the stars.
Not fun enough for you? Okay, here’s another tidbit:
part of the enticement for moving is said to be a chance for the
Beckhams to join the Scientology Church.
Now, I’m not one to make fun of any “religion,”
especially one based on “science” and additionally one populated by
such brilliant individuals. How brilliant are the individuals, you
ask? All we can say is david Beckham calls his friend, Tom Tom,
“a very wise man.”
Now is it getting fun? Here are more
tidbits: Victoria Beckham is lined up to play an alien bride in the Tom
Cruise-backed movie “The Thetan,” about an immortal spiritiual being
Scientologists believe to be present in all humans. The Beckhams have
checked out a Beverly Hills house five doors down from Tom and Katie.
The house is purported to have very bouncy couches.
David Beckham signed a salary and endorsement contract paying him $ 250
million for five years. Yes, a guy who only started five out of 16
games this year will be the highest paid team athlete of all time. So
again, where better to be than in Los Angeles, the biggest American
market without professional football, unless you count the USC Trojans.
The MLS expects Beckham to be a huge boon for American soccer. We think
it could be dangerous (see below).
Back to the Tom and Katie and David and Posh
neighbor possibilities. Some have supposed Tom’s goal in bringing in
David and Victoria as neighbors is to get into Posh’s pants. That’s a
bit of risky business, we think. However, others, including the naughty
London tabloids have speculated it wasn’t Posh’s pants Tom was trying
to get into.
Should we feel sorry for the British as two of their
idols trip off to Beverly? Yes, if only for the fact this moves swipes
the Brits of two of their favorite forms of pub humor – Becks and Posh
jokes. This would be like us shipping all our blondes overseas and then
being left in a politically correct nightmare with nothing left to joke
about. I’m worried the Brits will be left with a whole country of
sourpusses. If the Brits have nothing to laugh at, their upper lips
stiffen up and freeze. Folks, we don’t want that. British laughter was
our last line of defense against global warming. Here’s how it worked.
The Brits downed their cold brews in the pubs, told their “Becks and
Poshes” let out hearty but cold-breathed laughs which went out to the
North Sea and helped cool the icebergs and the polar cap. If these
beer-blasted laughs subside, we could be goners. Especially if Beckham
makes soccer so popular, US soccer moms log more miles than truckers. I
knew there was a reason we’ve been holding back soccer: self