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David Kalb, Internet Superstar  by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles


Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
David Kalb, Internet Superstar

       David Kalb beat LeBron James in a game of H-O-R-S-E.

    David Kalb beat LeBron James in a game of H-O-R-S-E in a Cub Cadet sponsored national contest played on the blue court in Venice Beach, California. Yes, the same Blue Court where Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson went at it as Sidney Deane and Billy Hoyle in “White Men Can’t Jump.” 

       Except for skin color, LeBron James looks nothing like Wesley Snipes. David Kalb is a dead ringer for Woody Harrelson. David Kalb is 6’1, 195, shaved head, and not a bad industrial league basketball player. After all, Kalb played guard two years at tiny Capitol College in Columbus, Ohio where he scored at a 16-17 point per game clip. However, before that he played at Akron University where his team shared the court with LeBron’s high school team. LeBron’s high school team drew more fans than David’s college team.

        But on September 3rd , 2008, David Kalb, 26, a warehouse accounts manager in La Habra, California got to do something small college and industrial league ball players only dream about, play HORSE against an NBA player. I guess it’s not just mid-level players, we all dream about that. In our dreams we grow six inches and we come up with shots so imaginative eyes bug out of the NBA players we’re drilling.

        I think LeBron knew this because the Cub Cadet H-O-R-S-E contest was his idea. LeBron was the one to view tapes and YouTube submittals from prospective opponents. David Kalb’s video blew LeBron away… and me, too. This is why we call David Kalb an internet superstar. David won $ 5000 in Cub Cadet lawn equipment for being chosen to compete against LeBron in the HORSE finals. When LeBron stepped out of the limo at Venice Beach every fan attending this contest had a video camera. When David dazzled LeBron with unimaginable shots, two hundred lenses captured every one. It was supposed to be a single game of HORSE. LeBron asked for two out of three after David surprised him on the first one. David won the next two, also. Even on the dunks, David matched him. Not in height, form or and velocity, but HORSE doesn’t require that. There’s an old saying LeBron should know: Don’t mess with warehouse managers.  Or as Sidney Deane from “Whitemen Can’t…” would say “You either smoke or you get smoked. And you got smoked.”    
David Kalb, Internet Superstar  by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles       
         On the Venice contest, David couldn’t duplicate his best shots from his original video but you can find them on the internet. Here are my favorites:

  1. With the basketball goal six feet away from the exterior 24’-tall-wall, David tosses the ball backwards high onto the sloped roof where it bounces up and then back down. Nothing but net! At one point the ball must be at least 30-35’ in the air.
  2. The basketball goal has been mounted to the mast of a forklift. The mast goes up 22’ making the goal 32’ off the ground. David then jumps off a five foot high dock, slams the ball into the floor where it bounces up and into the net.
  3. David’s brother Danny again has the basketball goal mounted on his forklift. This time he’s doing wheelies, spinning the backboard and the goal in a circle. David shoots the ball as the goal is circling away from him and it ricochets off the concrete wall behind the goal into the net.

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