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Defending The Criami Heat  by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles


Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
Defending The Criami Heat

A few Miami Heat players may have sobbed in the locker room after losing to the Bulls.

Then, maybe they didn't.

Do we care that much? Cannot big tattooed, muscular guys whip out their hankies after losing a hard-fought game to the Bulls? I mean, seriously, have you seen the hair on Joakim Noah, center for the Bulls? Didn't you cry when you saw it? And then when you lose to hair like this and you're supposed to be the greatest team in all history, crying is the least you might do.

Some people in Miami have lost to Joakim Noah's hair and then immediately walked through Little Havana shouting "Viva, Fidel!"

Others tried arm wrestling the nearest alligator.

It's like they can't wait for David Caruso to be standing over their lifeless body, sans sunglasses, while saying "He's clutching a strand of hair. Long, curly hair. Could it be?"

After all, it's not baseball. You're allowed to cry in basketball. Just ask Coach Roy Williams.Just ask House Leader John Boehner. You can cry after losing to Joakim Noah's hair.

Erik Spoelstra says "Crygate" is a media-made event.

At a recent press conference, Coach Spoelstra says that when he said "there are a couple of guys crying in the locker room right now," he didn't mean "whimpering."

Erik went on to say "they weren't crying like little girls."

Okay, so you mean "big girls" then? More like Nancy Kerrigan whining "WHYYYY, me?? WHYYY, me?"

"No! Please!" pleads Spoelstra "What you heard was MI-AM-I. It wasn't Why Me."

So it wasn't big girl wailing? It is more like masculine blubbering?

"The tears were very macho. Very macho! Tell them I said that. Our guys cry jalapeno tears. Raw caustic tears. Hydrochloric tears. LeBron James tears will burn a hole in your soul."

So when they blubber, guys clear out.

"You better believe it. When our guys cry, people die. Pat is even afraid to use their tears for hair gel."
So was the crying totally about the Bulls and Joakim's hair?

"Well, it's possible LeBron is still hurting from the shoulder bump I gave him a few months ago. Every few weeks, the pain reoccurs."

Being from Ohio, John Boehner is huge LeBron fan and a closet Heat fan. He goes to Miami every few days to work on his tan.
Defending The Criami Heat  by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles
While there, he borrows Rudy Guiliani's dresses to attend the Heat games. After all, Eddie House plays for the Heat and John Boehner speaks for him.

When Spoelstra was asked to comment about "Crygate," Boehner was in the room and asked if he could address the press on a subject he knows.

He said that LeBron was living the American Dream and that everyone should aspire to be 6'8 and 270 pounds and to try to get a Nike contract. This was a very emotional speech and, at times, Mr. Boehner got a little choked up.

So you see? When grown men like Boehner and Roy Williams can get choked up over an athletic event why not the guys putting it all out on the floor?

Now, don’t you feel bad for criticizing them?

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