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Don King Avenue by Stan Silliman






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By Stan Silliman
       
“Don King Plaza” has Atlantic City looking Frazzled


      Are your follicles frisky? Ready for a hair raising good time? Enjoy.

    Boxing promoter Don King is banned from staging fights in Atlantic City. That didn’t keep the city from changing Mississippi Avenue to Don King Boulevard. Only in America, as James Brown might sing, can you kill two men and they will still pattern a bunch of little troll dolls after your hairstyle plus name a street after you. 

    It’s almost too ironic. You can swindle your own boxers, have a monopoly on the boxing game and then have a street with your name right next to the streets on the Monopoly board. Don King says as much, himself: “That’s what makes America so great. People can say whatever they want about me and others will honor me with a street. Pardon me while I stick my tongue in an electric socket.”

    Earlier last year, King was roasted at the Friar’s Club. To Don’s hair it was an uplifting experience. To the roasters it was Thrilla in the Villa. Donald Trump jabbed with “I have a catch phrase: ‘You’re fired’ and Don King also has a catch phrase: ‘Not Guilty.’”

    Several of the boxers King had swindled were in attendance, including Joe Frazier, and they greeted Don King as they always do by lifting him upside down and shaking the coins out of his pockets.

    Another roaster remarked that Don King’s hair is what you get when you cross Viagra with Rogaine.

    Of course, at any New York Don King event, Al Sharpton was in attendance. This caused Colin Quinn to quip about King’s, Trump’s and Sharpton’s hair as looking like “the three stages of a forest fire.”
“Don King Plaza” has Atlantic City looking Frazzled
    King can’t promote an Atlantic City fight because he lacks a Jersey license. Every time Don applies the casino commission asks him questions and, somehow, Don’s answers always get stuck in his hair. The New Jersey boxing commission stands ready to grant a license but the casino regulators will not. This is because whenever King, known for his verbosity, stands before the regulators, words escape him. He turns mum. He evokes the fifth… sixth, seventh, eighth then drags his comb through his upturned brush, looks at it, and then keeps counting “Nine, ten, eleven. Folks, have you ever had a bad hair day?”

     We were going to ask Mike Tyson, a stringer for Silliman on Sports, to interview King but thought better of it. The interview Mike did for us with Ron Artest turned out no so well and Mike likes Ron. We shudder to think what might happen if Mike and Don hooked up. Tyson’s hatred of King was even mentioned during the Don King roast by Jackie Martling. Martling said “I know Mike Tyson is a little annoyed with Don King… he told me while parking my car last night.”

    Yeah, we shudder to think what Mike might do when he’s driving down Pacific in Atlantic City and comes across Don King Plaza and Don King Boulevard. We shudder!!

     
    
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