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To Galarraga: Life's Not Perfect  by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles


Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
To Galarraga: Life's Not Perfect

        You will not go into the record book for a perfect game. Buck up. At least you’ve got six “A’s” in your name… and a Corvette.
    Your perfect game will not go into the record book; but everyone knows you pitched one. If you had left the mound with a perfecto you would have had the third one of 2010 and, since there were only 18 modern era perfect games prior to this year, all of baseball would have imploded. Seriously, if not for Jim Joyce’s blown call, the game would have folded into itself and disappeared like a black-hole forming super nova. I think you knew that. I think that’s why you were so gracious with Joyce’s apology. You took one for the game. And besides, the first base umpire’s last name is the same as a girl’s first name. I was proud of you for not snickering at his name. I was proud of you for not making a Jerry Seinfeld type smirk like when Jerry says “Newman” when you muttered the name “Joyce!”

    You should know that ten other perfect games were lost to last out blown calls. You should also know that in not one of the other blown-call- perfect-games did the governor of Michigan issue a proclamation declaring a pitcher pitched a perfect game. You stand alone in proclamation declarations.
    In terms of blown calls, here’s what makes yours better than Don Larsen’s 1956 World Series perfect game: the last strike called by umpire Babe Pinelli was clearly high and outside. That was a blown call by Pinelli that should have put a walk on base. The highness and outsideness was clear to everyone, including district attorney Jim Garrison, who forever incorporated the term “high and to the right” into his court summations.  Larsen’s perfect game was as much undeserved as yours was deserved. Sometimes, life is not perfect…  nor fair.
To Galarraga: Life's Not Perfect  by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles
    A few other things: you’re the darling of Detroit but steer clear of Madonna. Lady Gaga will also want you because, naturally, she wants to be Gaga Galarraga.
She will even compose a song for you and then she will sing it wearing gold plated hula hoops and a pin striped baseball uniform underwear. Don’t be pulled in or swayed by her new song called “Galarraga”.  It’s a long song and someday a 12-year-old phenom will sing it on the Ellen Show. It goes like this:

    Loving you is cherry pie
    ‘Cause you know that baby, I
    I’m your biggest fan
    I’ll follow you my baseball guy
    Baby, you’re my perfect gamer
    You can be my hurler
    Promise I’ll be kind
    But I won’t stop until you’re mine

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