You saw the film. Dwyane Wade goes down in pain but you expect him to jump back up. He always has before but this time his left shoulder is dislocated. How dislocated? Like in Broward County, that’s how far out it was. Dwyane Wade’s shoulder was hanging, like a chad, in Broward County. So bad you wouldn’t ask Al Gore to go in and set things straight.

    You may have seen this other film, where Los Angeles Clipper point guard Shaun Livingston falls to the floor and hurts his knee. If you did I feel sorry for you. If you haven’t, let me give you an idea. Livingston’s knee cap is twisted… to the side. It looks like Mickey Mouse  crawled up inside his leg, under the skin, up his shin trying to find a way out. Not graphic enough for you? Okay, instead picture Shaun playing tennis with two tennis balls in his pocket. Then pretend there’s a hole in his pocket and a hole in his leg and the two tennis balls have fallen… Forget it, that’s getting too bad even for me to write about. Only saving grace, Al Gore was in town prepping for the Oscars, heard about Shaun’s kneecap, thought they said “icecap” so he rushed down to see if he could help.

    You didn’t think I’d let you off with only one Al Gore joke, did you?

    Connecting thread on the above season-ending basketball injuries? Both players had made television ads for Gatorade. We’re not trying to suggest “jinx” but if you’re a basketball player and you’re not named Michael Jordan, you might want to think twice before signing an endorsement contract with Gatorade.

    Not enough proof, you say? Maybe not, however consider who has had a swollen toe the size of a VW Bug?  Who has been one of the most injured centers ever since he joined the league? If you answered the Gatorade endorsing Yao Ming, you get the brass ring.

    Maybe we’re jumping to an erroneous conclusion so we went straight to the source, to the Gator himself – Ali Gator – to ask him about people maligning his wonderful product. And just so you know, we knew Mr. Gator has an Arabic name, and yes, we knew better than to draw a picture of him with dynamite in his teeth. And we’re sure you’re asking the same thing “How does a gator come to someone’s aid?” Does he see you hanging off the banks of a river, ready to plunge to a painful death on the rocks and then reach down and grab you in his jaws? We asked Mr. Gator that very question and he answered that yes, if he saw a guy ready to fall he would reach down, grab him with his mouth… and then eat him. How is that aiding a guy, you ask? Mr. Gator, Ali Gator, says he saves the guy from a useless death and then, taking a cue from Al Gore, recycles the guy into food.

    And then, Mr. Gator, coming to his senses, reminds us that “Gatorade” is a drink, not an “aid” and in the past year the biggest beneficiary of Gatorade sales, the University of Florida, won two national championships (basketball and football). He then says the two season ending injuries of the basketball Gatorade endorsers were just coincidences and should not keep future basketball stars from wishing to endorse his drink. We say fine, but what about that Florida guy hanging over the cliff that you saved and then ate? Here is where Ali Gator proves to be both politically astute and quite aware of our running gag. “The hanging guy,” says Ali “His name was Chad.”