on Sports
Geezers Inc



Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman

                    GEEZERS, INC.
    “Geezers, Incorporated. How can I help you? It’s always a breeze, sir, when you use a geezer. Old guys need jobs, too.”

    “This is Al, Head Raider in Charge, and I’m looking for a coach. I heard you guys hooked Jerry up with Parcells and Dan just hired Joe Gibbs. He’s a geezer.”

    “Yes sir, Mr. Davis. Gibbs is a geezer, through and through. Nothing would be pleaser than to supply you with a geezer. In the morning?”

    “I’m not in that big a hurry,” says Davis. “Do you have any hall-of-fame coaches available?”
    “Let me check our inventory. Ah, yes. Marv Levy, Bill Walsh, Don Shula. All silver foxes and they’ve got all their hair.”

    “How would they look in Silver and Black?” asks Davis.
    “Silver and black-k. Black and sil-ver. These are geezers… you’d want to kill for.”

    “Hey, stop that!”
    “Stop what, Mr. Davis?”
    “That infernal, terrible rhyming. And the…the…the singing.”
    “Well, slap a my knees, sir. You asked for a geezer.”
Geezers Inc.

    “This is too much. All I want is a football coach. Anybody else in your inventory?”
   “Yes, we have Joe Paterno. We have Joe Paterno, today.”
    “Joe Pa? Does he want to coach the pros?”
    “And we have Mike Ditka. Iron Mike. Can you say Dit-ka? Do you like Mike?”
    “He’s been doing all those dysfunction ads,” answers Davis. “I don’t know.”
    “Mike can coach. Mike says it’s like riding a bike. You know Mike.”
    “Do you have anybody else? Maybe more geezerly - someone who wouldn’t beat me up?”
    “Ummm? A geezer who wouldn’t hurt a flea, sir? How about Lou Holtz? Great after dinner speaker. I don’t know anyone meeker.”
    “His record wasn’t so good. Anybody older?”
    “Would you consider Tom Landry?”
    “Isn’t he dead?
    “We, at Geezers, Inc., like to say ‘properly preserved.’ Tom wasn’t big about talking. He wears his hat. He stands on the sidelines. No one will know the difference.”
    “Maybe this isn’t such a good idea.”
    “Mr. Davis, you’re not discriminating against old people… or dead people, are you?”
    “No, of course not.”
    “We’re a growing segment of the population. Old folks are fans, too. Check Chicago if you don’t think dead people vote. We’re everywhere and we’re even building a Las Vegas Casino/Hotel just for old people – Geezer’s Palace. Want to invest? Mr. Davis?

 Mr. Davis? Hello?”

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