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G-E-I-C-O by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles


Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman

        On All-Star weekend the NBA has brought back the game of H-O-R-S-E.  Except, when they play the game they’ll spell out G-E-I-C-O instead of H-O-R-S-E.
    Here’s another word: S-E-L-L-O-U-T
Okay, you’re complaining because SELLOUT is not a five letter word? Would you be happier if we spelled the game G-R-E-E-D or M-O-N-E-Y? Either way, the NBA has taken one of our pure, beloved driveway games and C-O-M-M-E-R-I-A-L-I-Z-E-D it. Oh, I forgot, this is the NBA.
    So the insurance giant, immortalized on Television ads with a talking lizard, disrespected cavemen and a stack of money with creepy eyes on it, is sponsoring one of the events on NBA All-Star weekend. I wonder if they even know how the game works. GEICO is going to get recognition when the players miss a shot and the word GEICO is spelled out. But do they understand that the goal of the game is to NOT spell G-E-I-C-O? That by spelling G-E-I-C-O, you are therefore a L-O-S-E-R. Do they get this? By spelling GEICO you have lost. You’re out of the game. People will point to you and say “Nah, nah, nah, nah, you are a GEICO. So there!”

    That’s one thing I think Commissioner Stern and GEICO don’t get, that the game of
H-O-R-S-E is as much about trash-talking as it is creating special shots. I actually doubt Stern ever played the game in his life. If he had, he would know the special sass you get by calling someone a “H-O”. “Oh, you missed that easy one. Go back to your street corner, you HO!” “You know what happens when you miss this sit-down-facing-backwards-shot? You’ll be a full-fledged HOR. You might as well go the HOR store and buy your fishnets and your mini-skirt.”

    Yes, we are misspelling WHORE. But when do kids who love to play H-O-R-S-E have time to check out the dictionary? Answer: never. H-O-R-S-E and dictionaries don’t mix. You very rarely find an English major on the playgrounds correcting kids for misspelling WHORE.
“Reginald, you KNOW the word, HOR, is really just an abbreviation for horizontal and HORS is French for outside of.  If you are going to play this game you must be grammatical.” It doesn’t work that way.   

    How far will the NBA go in sullying one of our kid games? Will the GEICO commercialization of H-O-R-S-E lead to more product placement, maybe even as the game is being played? Will the announcer sound something like this?
G-E-I-C-O by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles
    “Kobe bounced the ball from the free throw line into the basket. Can LeBron make this one? If he doesn’t make it he’ll be a G-E. By the way, G-E is the electric company that brings good things to life. Oh, we see he’s gone to the sidelines and took a sip of Gatorade. When he was a “G” we mentioned Gatorade because Gatorade is changing their corporate logo to “G”. Gatorade may give him the energy he needs for this shot. He also put on his NIKE headband. He could have a bit of sweat and nothing is better than a NIKE to hold down perspiration. LeBron is readying his shot. Oh, he missed it. He’s a G-E. Did we tell you that G-E is pioneering efforts in wind-energy technology? There’s a bit of wind on this court since it is outside. They could a use a wind technologist to help guide these shots. Kobe is standing outside the court…”

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