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Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman

     “We regret to inform our fans Derek Jeter will miss the rest of the season with sexual reassignment surgery. He promises to come back stronger than ever in 2013 as Minnie Mantlez.”

 You will not currently find this post on the New York Yankees Facebook page but it was there on August 3rd, obviously a hack and also much funnier than anything the Yankees normally post to their page. Sorry, 6 million Yankee Facebook fans, but someone has figured out how to post false messages to the page.

The Yankees weren’t the only one to be hit the same day. Even though they only have 280K fans, the Washington Nationals found their site hit with this stinging message: “We’re going back to Montreal. SEE YA SUCKERS!!!!” Fans actually believed it. Lots of ??? and “Just when they were getting good!?”

The hacker then jumped into the Marlins site with “Just a reminder tonight is FREE PITBULL NIGHT at Marlins Park. The first 10,000 fans ages 18 and under will receive a free rescued fighting Pitbull courtesy of Dade County Animal Rescue League.”  Everybody should have known this was a hack. I mean, really, 10,000 fans at a Marlins game?

Did the hacker stop there? No! He found his way into even more sites. The San Francisco Giants were hacked with “That Chick-Fil-A guy sure is an (anatomical expletive)” Was this as bad as the one hitting the Cubs: “(Expletive) Bill Murray.”? Of course, the White Sox weren’t left out with “Everyone knows President Obama is a diehard ChiSox fan. Unfortunately, we’re voting for Romney.” Ouch. When Rahm Emanuel finds this guy, the hacker will get Rahmed.

Here’s a mean one that was posted to the San Diego Padres Facebook: “Just a note: Though the handicapped are allowed to enjoy Padre games at Petco Park, their attendance is STRONGLY DISCOURAGED!” This one we understand. With a record of 45-64 there’s a good chance the Padres will lose. It’s hard enough to get in and out of Petco Park if you’re able bodied so the Padres don’t need a park full of disgruntled fans in chairs streaming to the exits. It would not surprise us if the Padres took advantage of the Hackalypse to make it seem they were posting a fake message. 
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We couldn’t find the hacked message for the NY Mets but we assume it to be “Anna Benson, wife of former Met, Kris Benson, promised to have sex with the entire Mets team if she found her husband cheating. Well she did and she will – next Friday on a bed set up near the Mets dugout. First 15,000 fans receive a Kris/Anna split-apart bobblehead.” 

We’re sure the Boston Red Sox site, if it were hacked, would read: “Didn’t get a chance to boo Josh Beckett last time out? Next Wednesday you get another chance. Josh promises a performance worthy of booing.”

If the Cards site were hacked we expect this: “Due to budgetary considerations we had to sell the Clydesdales. Do not worry. Ann Romney promised to turn them into quality dressage performers.”

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