|Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
Silliman’s 2011 Halloween Costume Picks
Dan Patrick, Danica Patrick or Dennis Rodman?
Stressing on your sporty Halloween costume selection? Not to worry. Silliman is here, helpful as ever (cue Mighty Mouse theme) and mindful of your 2011 budget worries. We’ve checked over the offerings and even have a few original ideas on how you can beat out the other partiers. We recommend:
Al Davis – The head Raider, he’s cranky, wrinkled and dead. That’s a pretty scary combo. Wear a Raiders jacket, a shriveled head with a quart of grease in your hair. “Give me candy… and a quarterback!” Then, you’ll not only get candy if you’re trick-or-treating, you’ll get quarters.
Danica Patrick – In a Go-Daddy jumpsuit, carrying a helmet and bucket of sassiness. If you’ve got the body, go for it. When you walk into an adult Halloween party, heads will turn. If someone bumps into you at the party, threaten to throw them out, tell them you’ll have them kicked out of racing.
Tony Romo – You’re in a Cowboys uniform, covered with bandages, with snakes hanging off (to indicate how snake-bit you are). Bring along a Jessica Simpson or Carrie Underwood lookalike or even a Candace Crawford (wife) and you’ll win the costume contest.
LeBron James – You’re going to need a batch of tattoos and some muscles. Don’t wear any rings or bring any trophies or you’ll be kicked out of the party. Tell the party thrower you decided to take your talent to their party and if they wouldn’t mind you’d like everyone to stop what they’re doing and gather in the living room so you can explain your decision to join this party.
David Stern – If you’re really, really short and like looking into peoples’ belt buckles this is the costume for you. Carry a basketball with you but don’t let anybody play with it. Hog the snacks, then divvy them out but tell everyone you’re only going to allocate 48 % of the snacks to the guests. The rest you’ll be taking home to give to your rich friends.
Mike Leach – Wear a pirates uniform and a headset (check the cartoon). Also carry with you a batch of “Swing Your Sword” books. If you spot a spoiled bratty type kid not holding up his end of the party, confine him to a closet. Tell him you’ll let return to the party when he promises to party hearty like the rest of the frolickers.
Andy Rooney – Okay, technically not a sports guy, but he complains enough about sports his costume will pass. Strap on a two inch thick set of eyebrows, lean over like you’re about to get in everybody’s business, then do so. Start sentences with “Did ya ever notice…” then proceed to go off on someone at the party, even the host. “How the peanuts are getting smaller and less tasty? How wrapped candy is all wrapper and no candy? How the host stares at you when you happen not to like every little thing he put out? How much they’re paying jocks now days and how they want to charge for autographs? Or how Stan Silliman will not have a point to his article and uses me to finish when he should have done it himself? Did you?”
|Silliman On Sports
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