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                                                          Stan Silliman
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By Stan Silliman
       
HEALTH CARE FOOTBALL BOWLING

 
 
HealthCare.gov should have a sponsored a few of this year’s bowl games. The on-line arm of Obamacare could have used the publicity plus the public could’ve got a healthy dose of health related reminders. Our plan involves changing the names of the bowls to something more relevant to health issues.
 
For instance, in Boise, Idaho instead of calling it the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl we’d rename it the Couch Potato Bowl. Why? Because when we’re plotzed in front of the screen soaking in the bowl games, we’re couch potatoes. Why not fess up and use fat folks to promote this bowl? “You’re watching the Couch Potato Bowl, lard butt, you’re going to need healthcare! Yes, one of the teams is Buffalo but put down those wings and dial 1-800-HEALTHY. You might save your life.”

See what we mean? Not every bowl will fit in but on the one’s that do, there’s a chance to get a health message across. In Detroit, the Little Caesars Pizza Bowl will be renamed the Seizure’s Bowl. “Are you an epileptic? Have you had a stroke? You can still get health insurance by checking out HealthCare.gov. Pittsburgh is playing Bowling Green. If you want to get back to bowling and… save a little green.”
 
In Charlotte, they have the Belk Bowl. We’ll change it to the Belch Bowl. “Gastro-intestinal problems? It could be a sign of costly health issues. You know where to call.”
 
In Atlanta, Duke and the Texas Aggies played in the Chick-Fil-A Bowl. We might not change the name on this one. “Don’t care to eat on Sunday? That’s okay, we’ve still got a health plan for you.”
 
In El Paso, change the Hyundai Sun Bowl to the Sun Cancer Bowl. “When you’re driving a Hyundai with your arm out the window, do you know what you can get? Melanoma, that’s what. You should buy insurance just in case.”  
 
In Glendale, the Tostitos Fiesta becomes the Tostitos Siesta Bowl. “Narcolepsy is a problem in this country. If you don’t have a giant sombrero or a cactus to lounge under, you might want insurance.”
 
In Tampa, they have the Outback Bowl. We’ll change that to the Back Out Bowl. “You know if you don’t bend your knees you can throw your back out. If you do a lot of heavy lifting, you need insurance.”
HEALTH CARE FOOTBALL BOWLING by Stan
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In New Orleans, it’s the Allstate Sugar Bowl. Since the two teams playing – Alabama and Oklahoma – are from states leading the country in diabetes, we’ll call it the Allstate Sugar Diabetes Bowl. We’ll let Paula Deen do a few ads: “Hey Hon, whether you’re chowing down on a honey glazed ham or a glazed cinnamon bun, you could be gettin’ the sugar. Whether you are for Stoops or Saban, you need to face facts. You like to eat, Hon. Get yourself that health insurance because you’re going to need it when I show you what’s coming out of my oven.”  
 
In Arlington, they have the Cotton Bowl. That’s a fiber. We’ll change it to the High Fiber Bowl. “Feeling stopped up? Do you need more fiber? You know what else you need? Health insurance. Yes, call this number, check out these plans. It’s better than getting hit in the gut by a linebacker.”

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