HealthCare.gov should have a sponsored a few
of this year’s bowl games. The on-line arm of
Obamacare could have used the publicity plus
the public could’ve got a healthy dose of
health related reminders. Our plan involves
changing the names of the bowls to something
more relevant to health issues.
For instance, in Boise, Idaho instead of
calling it the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl
we’d rename it the Couch Potato Bowl.
Why? Because when we’re plotzed in front of
the screen soaking in the bowl games, we’re
couch potatoes. Why not fess up and use fat
folks to promote this bowl? “You’re watching
the Couch Potato Bowl, lard butt,
you’re going to need healthcare! Yes, one of
the teams is Buffalo but put down those wings
and dial 1-800-HEALTHY. You might save your
See what we mean? Not every bowl will fit in
but on the one’s that do, there’s a chance to
get a health message across. In Detroit, the Little
Caesars Pizza Bowl will be renamed the Seizure’s
Bowl. “Are you an epileptic? Have you
had a stroke? You can still get health
insurance by checking out HealthCare.gov.
Pittsburgh is playing Bowling Green. If you
want to get back to bowling and… save a little
In Charlotte, they have the Belk Bowl.
We’ll change it to the Belch Bowl.
“Gastro-intestinal problems? It could be a
sign of costly health issues. You know where
In Atlanta, Duke and the Texas Aggies played
in the Chick-Fil-A Bowl. We might not
change the name on this one. “Don’t care to
eat on Sunday? That’s okay, we’ve still got a
health plan for you.”
In El Paso, change the Hyundai Sun Bowl
to the Sun Cancer Bowl. “When you’re
driving a Hyundai with your arm out the
window, do you know what you can get?
Melanoma, that’s what. You should buy
insurance just in case.”
In Glendale, the Tostitos Fiesta
becomes the Tostitos Siesta Bowl.
“Narcolepsy is a problem in this country. If
you don’t have a giant sombrero or a cactus to
lounge under, you might want insurance.”
In Tampa, they have the Outback Bowl.
We’ll change that to the Back Out Bowl.
“You know if you don’t bend your knees you can
throw your back out. If you do a lot of heavy
lifting, you need insurance.”
In New Orleans, it’s the Allstate Sugar
Bowl. Since the two teams playing –
Alabama and Oklahoma – are from states leading
the country in diabetes, we’ll call it the Allstate
Sugar Diabetes Bowl. We’ll let Paula
Deen do a few ads: “Hey Hon, whether you’re
chowing down on a honey glazed ham or a glazed
cinnamon bun, you could be gettin’ the sugar.
Whether you are for Stoops or Saban, you need
to face facts. You like to eat, Hon. Get
yourself that health insurance because you’re
going to need it when I show you what’s coming
out of my oven.”
In Arlington, they have the Cotton Bowl.
That’s a fiber. We’ll change it to the High
Fiber Bowl. “Feeling stopped up? Do you
need more fiber? You know what else you need?
Health insurance. Yes, call this number, check
out these plans. It’s better than getting hit
in the gut by a linebacker.”
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