on Sports
If John Madden


Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman

      Football announcer, John Madden, is a big bear of a guy and some folks would like to see him broadcasting other events – sporting or otherwise, mostly football fans.

    “He went over to NBC,” says Dave Domjonelson, football fan. “And I’m not sure how many times I can handle him telling me the peacock insignia is made up of big peacock feathers.”

    “John Madden overstates the obvious and gets big bucks to do it,” says Dave Gravelman, also a football fan. “He should do the weather.”

    “A big storm hits Miami. Lots of people got wet.”

    “John Madden can tell you something you already know,” says David Clarkinoff, “in a way that you knew he was going to tell you. He should do the evening drive traffic report.”

    “The traffic is tied up on I-40. I don’t mean tied up like there’s a rope going from car to car. I mean the traffic is not moving very fast. If you want to go fast on your drive home, it’s best if you don’t get behind a lot of cars going slow.”

    “John Madden repeats the same mantras over and over,” says Paul Godharm, a football fan whose wife seems to be a bigger fan, “he should get out of sports and do movie reviews.”

    “James Bond is a guy who is always fighting against the bad guy, And you can tell when the bad guy shows up because there’s bad guy music and the bad guy doesn’t smile like a regular guy. He kind of smiles evil like. He smiles like he’s hiding something in his teeth. If the bad guy kills James Bond there won’t be any more James Bond movies.”

    “John Madden gets his name attached to a pretty good video game on football,” says Max Masher, a guy who knows video games. “He would do better if he were announcing motor sports.”

    “The black and green car has the lead but the red car is right there trying to pass him on the right .Now the right side of your car is the side the driver is not on. Drivers sit on the left side of the seat because that’s where the steering wheel is located. It’s important that the driver stays behind the steering wheel… for control.”

    “John Madden? I like John Madden,” says John Gravelman, son of Dave Gravelman, apparently more interested in Transformer toys than whether John Madden should continue broadcasting football games. “John Madden could be the Hulk.”

    “I’m getting very mad. You won’t like me when I’m mad. I turn green and my buttons pop. They don’t go poppity, poppity, pop. They sort of go pop… pop… pop… The buttons pop evenly because if they popped like popcorn, you wouldn’t be scared. You’d be thinking ‘There’s some popcorn. I wonder if it’s hot’ rather than there might be a monster growing in the other room with his buttons popping.” 

If John Madden called other events   
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