on Sports
If I Had A Vuvu  by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles


Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
Isner-Mahut Advertising Ops

        “Zee Energizer rabbit, is cute, no? Pound on hees drum from thees battery and he keep going, no? Thees little battery keep him going. It is like me… yes?”
The camera pulls in tight as Nicolas Mahut holds up an Energizer.  “Going… and going…  and going…  you may think zee battery vill wear out… vant sleep or use bathroom, but no, it keep going…  and going…”

    But will it last eleven hours and five minutes when loaded and constantly run in a video camera? No, consumers will not ask that question. They’ll just marvel at Mahut and Isner’s accomplishment and maybe buy a product touted by them as long lasting.  Mahut and Isner’s match lasted longer than some marriages. Their  match was on television longer than Chevy Chase’s talk show. Their match lasted longer than the time it takes to fly from Isner’s home in Tampa to Mahut’s in Paris, and that’s including a London layover. These guys will be swamped with advertising opportunities.

    “The Old Fashion Fruit Cake is the fruitcake I order,” says John Isner as he holds up a box “when I want to savor a long lasting fruitcake experience. You can re-gift these suckers ten times and they hold their flavor. What about wheels that will never go flat on your go-kart? Old Fashion will do the trick, wheelies even. Looking for masonry that lasts?” John is shown stacking fruit cakes nine-feet high “These babies do the trick. Pump mortar through the hole in the center, apply plaster to the exterior, amp your R factor and you’ll have a home that’ll stand up to winds as fast as my serve. And did I mention these cakes are delicious?”

    “E.D. is problem for men, even man from France,” says Mahut with a box of Viagra. “But not with Vi-ag-ra. Blue pill help maintain long erection. Did you see my match?  Was I exhausted?  Did I sit down and not get up? No! I got up… again and again.  Was I tired? Yes, but I rose up. I stayed up. Viagra can help you be like me, strong, determined, keep scoring.”     
Isner-Mahut Advertising Ops  by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles
    “I’m 6’9” and I won the longest tennis match in history,” John Isner tells the audience. “Do I want a small candy bar you finish in two bites? No! That’s why I eat
Cadbury Curly-Wurly… the one my dad used to call the Marathon Bar, a full eight inches of caramel chocolate deliciousness lasting a long, long, long time.” The camera pulls away to see John sitting on a tennis bench slowly eating the Curly-Wurly. Cut away to the Wimbledon crowd with many members of the crowd also eating Curly-Wurlys. John is readying to serve, the camera cuts away to the net judge also eating a Curly-Wurly. The judge has his hand raised indicating play cannot start until he finishes his Curly-Wurly. Cut away again to the crowd where we see the Queen munching a Curly-Wurly. She remarks “Quite delicious, I must say.” Next scene shows her withdrawing the Curly-Wurly from her mouth with her false teeth stuck to the candy bar. Next scene pans to John McEnroe, who shouts “Her teeth are OUT!”  McEnroe also enjoys a Curly-Wurly.      

Silliman On Sports
2405 Wilcox Drive
Norman, OK  73069

Phone #: 405-360-4800
Comments or Suggestions: Email