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John Daly's Sober, Slimmer And Still Rockin, But Where's Hooters?  by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles






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By Stan Silliman
       
John Daly's Sober, Slimmer And Still Rockin, But Where's Hooters?

There’s a new John Daly out there.
             He’s almost 100 pounds lighter and no longer a lousy drunk, yet he’s playing lousy golf.
“I played better when I was drunk,” says Daly in an interview with Ron Green, Jr. of The Charlotte Observer.  “I was happy when I was a miserable drunk.”
    When he hit the bottle hard, he won two majors.  While teetotaling he hasn’t made a top 10 finish in four years.  He hasn’t won on the tour since 2004.  Yes, he did briefly lead the British Open this year, but you must remember the ocean breeze carries with it brine water contaminated by Scotch kegs from the bottom of the sea.

    Do we like the new John better?  John was always likable, maybe the most approachable and likable guy on the tour.  But now that he can make coherent sentences, is he a better interview?  Again, not necessarily.  John was a witty drunk with good ol’ boy folksiness.
             But what about Hooters?  They dropped him in 2009.  Now that he’s sobered up, will they re-sign him?  We hope so, but when you’re not playing very good golf, it’s a hard sell.

    Is John as much fun to cover?  Easy answer:  Hell no.  John was a character, fat and tipsy, easy to play with, easy to make fun of.  When he passed out drunk, lying down on the Hooters floor, it was something you couldn’t make up.  It was richer than any Joseph Heller novel.  I dubbed him the Crazy Guggenheim of golf, mainly because John looked like Frank Fontaine, the old actor who played the drunkard Guggenheim.  I even wrote an article in 2008 (shown below) that highlighted the exploits of the funner John.


JOHN DALY, THE CRAZY GUGGENHEIM OF GOLF


    What’s the difference between golfer John Daly and a 283 pound drunk sprawled out on the floor at Hooters? John Daly can out drive any other drunken fat guy… sprawled out on the floor at Hooters.
    Actually that’s a trick question because John Daly is always 283 pounds, always drunk,  and every week, always sprawled out on the floor at Hooters. Only reason this week was different, someone new at the Winston-Salem Hooters called the police. Actually, that’s not quite true. Someone from Hooters called EMS and when Daly refused to go to the hospital, the paramedics called the police.

    Here’s the deal: Hooters is John Daly’s biggest sponsor, so you don’t expect an intoxicated escapade at Hooters to land him in the pokey. You’d expect Hooters to have fronted him a cab to escape the cops. Not only is Hooters Daly’s biggest sponsor, he’s their biggest customer. It’s a natural marriage. Daly can walk into a place and not have the biggest breasts. John’s face can be beer-soaked-alcoholic-red but at Hooters folks will think he just fell into a bucket of wing sauce. And if he has bloodshot eyes, he can blame it on the 3-Mile-Island sauce, which he often does.
    Like we say, natural marriage. Hooters tries to sell itself as a place where good ol’ boys can have a good time. Who better to represent a good ol’ boy having a good time than Mr “I believe nicotine plus caffeine equals protein” Daly; a guy who has the Betty Ford Clinic on speed dial, a guy who claims to have lost $ 50 to $ 60 million gambling, a guy who had been married three times to good-lookers and has the knife wounds, assault charges and tabloid divorces to prove it.
    Still, despite his addictive personality and obnoxious outbursts, fans still love him. To many fans Daly represents the “everyman,” the non-country-clubber, the schlub who done good, the redneck who took down the bluebloods, especially when he won the 1995 British Open. There is nothing more staid or more traditional than the British Open. So did he attend the British open Champions Dinner? No way. You might as well ask if NASCAR fans sip tea. He refused the invite saying “You can’t get this fat boy into a suit.” Pleasing his fans while not exactly enchanting himself with the Scots.
John Daly's Sober, Slimmer And Still Rockin, But Where's Hooters?  by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles
    Will Hooters continue to sponsor Daly after this incident? You think they might even play it up with a “Free Bucket of Longnecks if You Find John Daly Sprawled Out at Your Hooters” promotion. They could offer a John Daly Cocktail, Big Enough to Stir with a Putter. On the other hand, promoting a responsible good time is one thing but aligning yourself with a fall-down drunk is another. A good example is when John Daly did a series of ads for Maxfli golf balls titled “Go Long or Go Home.” In these ads Daly was shown chugging beer in his golf cart,  then teeing up and hitting a golf ball off a beer can. The Golf Channel showed the spots but CBS refused to air them. It didn’t help that when these spots were running John Daly was checking himself once again into Betty Ford.

    We know John Daly represents a backlash against political correctness. He’s like a real life Homer Simpson… except Simpson was never kicked off British Airways for harassing a flight attendant. Simpson never had his swing coach quit because he found it too hard to coach a drunk. Sad for Simpson … and Daly, but drunks don’t get the love they once did. The Rat Pack is long gone. Frankie Fontaine’s Crazy Guggenheim wouldn’t play today although scotch-swilling comedian Ron White makes a go of it. Those who identify with Ron White pull for John Daly. But even Ron White knows a fifth of bourbon and super hot chicken wings don’t mix. The question is will Daly and Hooters continue to mix?

    This last piece was written in 2008 before Hooters dropped John in 2009. We think it’s time for Hooter’s to give John another chance. After all, his pretty girlfriend, Anna Cladakis, is Hooter’s promotional director and she’s also responsible for sobriety and better health



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