Here’s a little advice for sportsters. You can thank me later.


If you’re coach Petrino, coach of the mighty Razorback
And your assistant suggests a roll-in-the-sack…  Just say no!

If you’re coach Patino, enjoying pasta with your vino
And a tall-blonde walks up, whispers something about a back-booth bingo.                                     Just say no!        

If you’re invited to go hiking in the Alps… au natural
With the rocks being craggy and your… um… er… things hanging low                                                   Just say no!        

If you’re hall-of-famer Brett, a quarterback, a Jet
And a side-line reporter asks “Does your phone have a camera?”
Don’t try to show her… not on a bet.                     Just say no!

If you’re asked to be a refereeing…
A boxing match between a North and South Korean
                                                    Just say no!

If you’re asked to bet your house on a game of ping-pong
Against an opponent named Ling Wong…             Just say no!

If you’re a basket baller wishing not to be posterized
But your coach says “Step in front, try Blake on for size.”
                                            Just say no!

If you’re an NBA player with a career to cash in on
And we know it’s considered quite the fash-i-on
But if asked to hook up with a Kardashian,            Just say no!

If you’re a baseball team, the Mets, friend of Madoff
He says “Invest with me, it’s a sure deal, you’ll be paid off.”
                                                   Just say no!

If you’re the great LeBron, seeking to make a decision
And a TV network says “Do it live, it’ll make great television.”
                                                       Just say no!

If you’re Marlin’s manager Ozzie Guillen, and you want not to be squashed banana
Think twice if asked to comment on Fidel, when a few miles from Little Havana.                                   Just say no!