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KFC Tries to Pluck Superbowl by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles


Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
KFC Tries to Pluck Superbowl

         Why did the chicken cross the end zone?
    To collect $ 260,000.

    You may have heard about KFC’s Super Bowl chicken dance challenge where they’ve offered to donate $ 260,000 to a charity whenever the first player does a chicken dance or a “wing flap” during the Super Bowl. The League isn’t too happy about the proposal. For one, KFC is not affiliated with the Super Bowl. They’re not an advertiser and the NFL says they may fine any player who goes along with this stunt. KFC has also offered to donate in the name of the first celebrity who does the dance on stage.
    Some call this ambush marketing. Some call it trying to buy publicity on the cheep. Advertisers in the Super Bowl are paying $2.67 million for 30 second spots and KFC is trying to pay for 3 second pieces. Not even the tip of the chicken wing.

    For the players this is kind of Catch 22 pieces of chicken in a greasy bucket. If no one does the dance they can be accused of not wanting to help charity, which, by the way, the charity is KFC’s own Colonel’s Scholars, a college scholarship fund. This is for colleges where, for math, students learn every chicken contains two drumsticks. Talk about cheap or cheep, not only does KFC not advertise, nor pay any players for dancing… but even their charity is their own.
    What if the NFL took a different tact? Instead of prohibition, try to break the Colonel by releasing the chicken dance within. The cheerleaders are celebrities, aren’t they?  How many are there, twenty per side? At each break, if the cheerleaders shook their wings they could be ringing up $ 10.4 million at each break, multiply that by 30 times or $ 312 Mil, even if it didn’t show up on TV. Then, if there are bands at the Super Bowl, there’s another $ 26 million. Then what if the San Diego chicken showed up? In this game of, say… let’s call it chicken, will KFC say “uncle”?   
KFC Tries to Pluck Superbowl by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles
    There is a secondary method mentioned as a way for the NFL to get back at KFC for attempting to hijack their party. This idea is for players to do the chicken dance and then pretend they are choking on a chicken bone, hold up the chicken bone and then pretend they are barfing into a real KFC bucket. That way KFC will have to make the charitable donation but fans would be left with a negative impression about eating KFC chicken wings. That’s called ambushing the ambusher.

    “Joe, it looks like Randy Moss is celebrating by doing a chicken dance.”
    “Yes it does, Troy. And he grabbed a bucket from behind the goalpost, appears to be eating a chicken bone. Oh, now he is choking on it. Other players are slapping him on the back, trying to dislodge the piece of chicken… Tom Brady is giving him the Heimlich … and I think he just cracked one of Randy Moss’s ribs…”
    “Joe, is the piece of chicken still caught in Randy Moss’s throat?”
    “It appears so, Troy. I don’t think I’ll ever enjoy a piece of fried chicken again. Now, it appears Wes Welker is ramming his head into Randy Moss’s back trying to dislodge it. Wes Welker is a jack-of-all-trades, pass receiver, punt returner, designated chicken bone dislodger. Yes, Wes is versatile.”
    “Joe, it looks like the team doctor is attempting a tracheotomy. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a trach done on a football field before. They’re huddling around. He has a scalpel.”  
    “Now, Troy, he’s giving the scalpel to Wes Welker. I told you Wes was versatile.”

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