The Kansas Jayhawks
team, ranked number one by Sports Illustrated, loses their first game
of the year in Allen Field House to little Oral Roberts University,
We know God loves
University, because Oral, himself, told us so. And we know Kansas, with
five future NBA players on the floor at the same time, is one of the
greatest college teams ever assembled… because Kansas fans have told us
so. We also know the slogan for the Golden Eagles of Oral Roberts team
is “Expect a Miracle” because we’ve seen it written on their Mabee
Arena floor. We also know Kansas was beaten by a player - Marchello
Vealy, who hit his first seven three-point shots in a row – who last
year failed on 12 of his 13 three point shots… for the whole year. So
then you have to conclude draining seven straight threes by such an
inaccurate shooter was MIRACULOUS… like someone from above was guiding
in the shots. If so, God had it in for Kansas. The big question is… why?
What did Kansas University do in the sporting world
or otherwise to incur God’s wrath?
trying to smite the Topeka uber-ugly preacher Fred Phelps for
his many inane and hateful protests at the funerals of our soldiers
from Iraq? If so, God was off by 26 miles. We’re not sure how far off
that might be in smite distance or how great the Big Guy’s eyesight is
nowadays but perhaps Fred Phelps wasn’t the target. Perhaps the
target was the “Big House,” the Leavenworth federal prison where so
many famous federal prisoners were and are still held. Perhaps God was
aiming not at the prison itself but at the Peckerwood Cemetery next to
the prison … because God hates cemeteries named “Peckerwood.” But if
God were aiming at Leavenworth, He’d still be off by 30 miles.
God certainly wasn’t aiming at football coach Mark
Mangino, (perhaps for eating one of his players) because even at very
dubious smite accuracy no one can miss Mark Mangino.
Here’s a consideration: maybe God was upset because
the Kansas coach, Bill Self, had once coached at Oral Roberts and then
left for the greener cross town pastures of Tulsa University. And here
was a chance at a little nose tweaking for dropping ORU.
Maybe God was upset because Tammy Faye Bakker, after
being involved in an embarrassing religious scandal, remarries a church
contractor, moves to Kansas and then the contractor she marries becomes
involved in another religious-based tax evasion scandal. I could see
this. A lightning bolt heads Tammy Faye’s way but is deflected by her
make-up base and travels north to Lawrence. That might be
Perhaps Oral Roberts’ victory over the Jayhawks was
just God’s way of indicating his preference of Golden Eagles over
Jaybirds. The Jayhawks are like the squawking exhibitionists of
birdland and God became tired of their screeching and their prancing
around naked. And besides, a Golden Eagle… is a Golden Eagle.
Perhaps and once-and-for-all the Big Guy tired of
Bill Self’s hairpiece and wanted to send a signal Self’s way: lose the
rug or underachieve. Maybe God likes the tops of his basketball coaches
natural. Could that be it? Naaaah… too preposterous.