Dan Gilbert, owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers,
posted a scathing letter upon LeBron James departure. The letter had
jilted-lover sensibilities and when you dig through it, you find it
full of sneaky gags and subtle digs. Also we heard Gilbert sent
out biting tweets as well as snarky comments left on LeBron’s answering
machine. We’re not sure if below were the messages but they could have
been, plus we wouldn’t be surprised if some of these messages weren’t
drunk dialed:
“Hey, James. I
dropped the price on your Fatheads to $17.41. That’s right, from $ 99
to the number of the same year Benedict Arnold sold out to the British.
Did you hear me, TRAITOR?”
We
need to mention “Fatheads” is a brand of full size wall posters and the
company that makes “Fatheads” is owned by Dan Gilbert.
“Hey
Traitor, it’s me again. Cut it with the Abe Lincoln beard. You joined
the South… and besides, Backstabber, Lincoln would have had the decency
to call!!”
“Nice of you
to help the Boys and Girls Clubs. Don’t be surprised if all the little
boys and girls grow up to be traitors!”
“We hear
you’re moving to Miami. What’s wrong, Betty White not old enough for
you?”
“Hey
Ledouche, we had a T-Shirt giveaway for Witness number 23. Sad news:
nobody took them.”
“Hey
Deserter, the pet store called and wanted liners for their bird cages.
We gave them your jerseys.”
“Hey, it’s
me again. I called you narcissistic. In case you don’t know what
it means, the word has three “I”s in it, hint… hint.”
“As long
we’re talking third person, you know what has more rings than LeBron...
Gloria James’ bath tub!”
“Hey, it’s
me again. Everyone up here wants to know if your new Florida home
will have a west wing on it. Oh snap! I meant a
Delante West wing.”
“We’ve got a
new drink in Cleveland called the LeBron. Before the bartender finishes
making it, he quits on you!!”
“Hey, tell
me if this is true. I heard you stormed the altar and interrupted
Melo’s wedding vows. Really, LeBron? Just to tell everyone you wanted
chicken at the reception?”
“Hey Coward,
tell your friends at Creative Artists if they expect their Quick Books
to ever work again, GOOD LUCK!!”
“Joey
Pesci’s pinky-finger! In case you’re wondering, that’s another thing
with more rings than LeBron.”
