By Stan Silliman
Drive An Announcer Batty: Madrid vs Malaga
The Euroleague has its own March Madness and, sometimes, enough action to send the announcer into Coocooville.
Witness this overtime basketball game between Real Madrid and Unicaja Malaga, as called by Oscar Cuesta.
Yeah, that's his name: Oscar Cuesta! I said Cuesta. Don't pretend you never stood on a Tijuana street corner asking the friendly streetwalker "Cuesta?"
In this case, it's Oscar Cuesta, or how much does an Oscar cost?
Anyway, poor Oscar lost his voice at the end of the game, hilariously. The microphone was probably lisp-dripping soggy. To watch go to www.youtube.com/watch?v=zijh7EAAH6g
He was so confused he couldn't get the score right. He was laughing like a Frenchman at a Jerry Lewis movie festival. He made as much sense as Charlie Sheen trying to explain...anything.
And don't worry, we've translated every bit of lunacy for you, our favorite reader. Who says March Madness has to stay stateside? Let's listen in:
Right after a shot is blocked, Cuesta screams "Su casa es Malaga." It's your house, Malaga.
Prigiloni is "looking for a three." Busca un triple. Then he shoots and Cuesta says "madre mia, madre mia que triple... de Priglioni." Mother, what a triple!
And it was a special three-point shot. Priglioni shot the thing from 30'. You could have finished two orders of tapas in the time it took for the ball to splash the net. The ball was in flight forever.
And then, because it seems like Oscar Cuesta really likes casas, he said "es su casa Priglioni" followed by "su quinto triple en este partido." It's his fifth triple of the game.
Cuesta then says what may be his most prescient statement yet "este partido de sopresas" or "this game is full of surprises." Here's the finish:
"65, 63... en el final del partido... dos horas ya de encuentro." 65-63, at the end of the game, two hours already of the match.
"Otra triple!" Another three! "Triple de Garbajosa!" A three for Garbajosa! "El Triple por tantisimo... el hombre del partido." So many threes... the man of the game."
Then he goes crazy. Malaga takes the ball and Priglioni shoots another three with four seconds on the clock. "El triple de Priglioni!"
Right here, his voice is cracking. His mind is telling him this is ridiculous, this can't be happening. You are not hallucinating. And then before he can finish saying Priglioni, McIntyre is flipping one in from the 30-foot spot and IT GOES IN as time runs out.
Here's what it sounds like in Spanish: Dime que no estoy sonando! Tell me I'm not dreaming! (over and over while he's completely lost his voice followed by que partido. Dios! What a game, God!
Here's the final three seconds in English. And no, the Count from Sesame Street didn't grab the mic:
"It's innnnnnnnn!! It's innnnnnn!! The three by Prigioni. He looks for the three. McIntyre, IN! It's IN! In!! It's Innn! Haha. HAH! Haha HAH! Uhh hahahahahaha. Tell me I'm not dreaming! Hahahahaha! Tell me I'm not dreaming! 65-64! I don't know how we ended up here! WHAT A GAME, GOD!"
Malaga won. Terrell McIntyre, who once played for Clemson, hit the winning shot and the score was 69-68. Poor Cuesta was so in shock he called the score 65-64.
It might have been worse. He could have ended up yelling GOOOOOAAAAL!!
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