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Micheal Soon to be E-Vick-Ted from League  by Stan Silliman     humor sports comedy cartoons articles


Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
Micheal Soon to be E-Vick-Ted from League 

         Michael Vick has been indicted on animal cruelty charges and to some people “indicted” means tried, convicted, and sentenced just waiting on the execution.

    To P.E.T.A., if the commissioner doesn’t ban Michael Vick from the NFL immediately, they’ll boycott the N.F.L. This, we find a little barn-doorish. First, Michael Vick will be banished, whether P.E.T.A. threatens a boycott or not. Second, although P.E.T.A. will wish to claim credit for Vick’s dismissal, they’re really far down on the list of groups and people who want him gone. Third, does P.E.T.A. even know what the NFL is about? Have they ever gone to a game?  If they had, they would have found a thing called “tailgating” going on with all types of animal carcasses being roasted, bar-b-cued and devoured outside the stadium. If they had gone inside they’d find footballs being kicked, thrown and piled on, all made of pig. In some games they’ll find people dressed up as animals punching each other.

    Of course, none of this compares to the brutality Vick’s cousins and cohorts, and maybe Vick himself, dealt to pit bull dogs on Michael’s Virginia property.

    What Vick’s cousin “Ookie” and others did to these animals, some say, gives the sport of dog fighting a bad name. Sorry, no. Dog fighting gives “dog fighting” a bad name.

    I’ve heard others say (let’s call these others “whiney dog-breeders” okay?) what was done by Vick’s friends has given a bad name to pit bulls. These pit bull owners (look above) say the Pitts are the most loveable gentle dogs if they’re not trained to be vicious. Yes, loveable gentle dogs with jaws that can snap your neck.  Again, we’re sorry but pit bulls are called pit bulls because they were bred to fight in pits.  If the lovers of pit bulls wish to improve their image, change their name. Seriously, spit out all your machismo, and petition the AKC and other organizations to re-name the breed. And, for good measure, make it as sissy a name as you can find. Call it McKensies, after Spuds. Or call them Pansy Pooches, or Winky-Dinkies or something Bubba won’t be so quick to tattoo on his shoulder.   
After all these allegations and indictments have surfaced, many have been quick to jump on Michael Vick, almost in a vicious frenzy… like a… dog pile.  Nike will not release the Air Zoom Vick V shoe. The Humane Society has called for Nike to pull all Vick clothing. Senator Robert Byrd brought up Vick’s name on the Senate floor by shouting the word “Barbaric” five times and then went on to reserve a place in hell for Vick’s soul. I believe we’re not far off when we say “dog pile.”
Micheal Soon to be E-Vick-Ted from League  by Stan Silliman     humor sports comedy cartoons articles
    Others are already recommending Vick’s sentence, should he be found guilty. It’s everything from being banished from the league (a given) to never being allowed to wear his Ron Mexico sombrero again to being scratched all over his torso and then being placed shirtless in a dog run with fighting pit bulls. Others say he and his rapist brother Marcus should be ground down to their essential oils to make a nice vapor rub. In saying this they point out at least then the Vicks become some benefit to society.
    We can’t predict Vick’s fate. We do know this could deteriorate into a trial that makes us forget about O.J. Simpson. The Humane Society, for one, my view the whole thing as an opportunity to come down hard and nationally on dog fighting everywhere. If the conviction of Vick, who has been called “one of the heavyweights” in dog fighting, leads to the destruction of the “sport” then he will have served some purpose. Besides, you can get vapor rub anywhere.


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