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Midget Wrestling Big Time  by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles


Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
Midget Wrestling Big Time

    What’s more fun than seeing flying chairs and wrestlers… er, excuse me, “rasslers” flying through the air?  Airborne midget wrestlers, that’s what. Even more fun? Jumping, diving, menacing, maniacal midgets; folding-chair-wielding midgets; 2 x 4 stud-wielding-muscle-bound midgets. Even more fun than that? Ten muscled maniacal miniature men mixing it up in one 12 x 12 ring. It’s a mind blowing melee… and it’s Extreme.
    “Hold on,” I ask Skyler Ward, owner of the Extreme Midget Wrestling Federation. “You can get TEN of these little people in the ring at one time?”
    “Oh, yeah,” says Skyler, “not a problem. But don’t call them little people. They are midget wrestlers.  This has always been known as midget wrestling. That’s what the guys want. I thought about calling it Extreme Tiny Wrestling and they’d have none of it.”
    “Why the fascination, now? At this time and place.” I ask Skyler.
    “Being little is in,” says Skyler. “It’s hip to be little. Just look at television: ‘Little People. Big World’ or ‘The Little Couple’ on TLC or ‘Shorty’s Animal Rescue’ on Animal Planet. Besides, we put on an entertaining show. We sell out and the crowds eat it up. We have the ring girls ‘The Little Divas’. And let me tell you, those girls are hot… sizzling hot. And then between matches we’ve got a little Michael Jackson impersonator singing and dancing. They go wild.”
    “I’ve been to your MySpace website www.extrememidgetwrestling and love all the names of the guys – Bad Boy Brian, Short Sleeve Sampson, Nasty Boy. You’ve even got a Tiny Terminator?”
    “He’s an eight year veteran and he’s got the physique of Schwartzenegger, but it’s all natural,” says Skyler. “When he comes down the aisle on his Harley, you should hear the crowd.”
    “And one thing that’s not extreme, your prices,” I say. “Ringside seats for
$ 25? You couldn’t touch that at a WWE event. Is it dangerous being that close?”
Midget Wrestling Big Time  by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles

    “Well, that’s part of the fun. Anything, I mean anything can be used as a weapon by these guys. If it ain’t bolted down they’ll use it. They’re mini-weapons of mass destruction.”
    “How do the guys travel?” I ask.
    “We have a bus.”
    “Can I call it a short bus?” I ask.
    “No problem. I’m looking for a sponsor. Then we’ll get a bigger bus with the sponsor’s name on the side, maybe Red Bull or something. Any ideas?”
    “IHOP?” I blurt, thinking short stack. “Chili’s?” I’m thinking baby-back ribs. “Red Hots?” Lots of taste in a tiny package. “The Nokia 6111?” Small, but powerful.
    “Check us out at the Lucky Star Casino, May 2nd. You’ll enjoy it,” says Skyler.   
     “How about the Scorpion Stun Gun? Small enough to fit in your pocket yet packs 300,000 volts?”     
     “A Stun gun? Not enough consumer market.”
     “Okay, how do you like this… Midget Tootsie Rolls?! A big load in a small wrapper.”

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