Chicago Cub outfielder Milton Bradley caught a deep drive to right
field, posed for ten seconds and then turned and tossed the ball into
the outfield bleachers. Only problem, there were still runners on first
and third and the fly ball was only the second out.
“I’ve done a whole lot of other things to be
embarrassed about,” said Bradley. “The run was going to score and a fan
got a souvenir. I just made a mistake. I guess I’ll be in the bloopers.”
Yes, he was in the bloopers but worse than that, he made it into a Silliman on Sports column.
He didn’t make it into our column when he got into
an altercation with Umpire Mike Winters or when he went after Kansas
City Royals announcer Ryan Laefebvre. Those incidents were issues of
temper and not funny enough to make our column. Forgetting the
out count is.
Forgetting the out count proves his head wasn’t in
the game and when your name is Milton Bradley your head should be in
the GAME. Nobody expects PERFECTION, just that when you’re in the
outfield… a little CONCENTRATION will do. Yes, he caught the ball and
only had to take three steps to do so. He was at his home field
so it wasn’t like there was a CONSPIRACY to make him forget the out
count. He’s not that dumb. Sure, he’ll never GO TO THE HEAD OF THE
CLASS but he’s always in a CROSSFIRE of controversy even though he has
a JACKPOT of talent. It’s the SHENANIGANS that make him
We mentioned his altercations and there have been
plenty. They don’t call him “Meltdown” Bradley for nothing. This is
possibly why he’s been with six teams in eight years.
Also this may be why his salary doesn’t BREAK THE BANK. YOU DON’T
SAY! But we do. His hitting skills are those of a player making
twice his salary. Breaking a bat over one’s knee or getting one’s ACL
torn when his own manager tries to restrain him from going after an ump
can dampen one’s market value. In THE GAME OF LIFE Bradley’s temper has
been his DOWNFALL. He could be making EASY MONEY but when it comes to
hiring him most teams, instead of being HIGH ROLLERS, turn out to be
FRAIDY CATS. They’re CHICKEN LIMBOS. They think Bradley is like a
Terrell Owens and will put their team in some kind of JEOPARDY. Like
their team had good chemistry but when Bradley walks in as the NEW KID
ON THE BLOCK the chemistry goes SPLAT!
The main knocks on Bradley are that he doesn’t stay
healthy plus he is a ticking time-bomb. In his best season he completed
only 101 games, (incidentally, about half the games the other Milton
Bradley produced.) In his defense, Bradley is a passionate, feisty
player who is a good family man with a good record off the field. It is
on the field where he gets the most grief. In the June 12th game at
Wrigley where he threw the ball into the stands Bradley drew boos from
the home crowd most of the day. Earlier, he had lost a pop-up in the
sun, couldn’t catch an RBI bloop double and messed up as a base runner.
The chorus of boos started slowly and grew. When he made the infamous
pose before tossing the ball into the outfield bleachers it was raining
boos. It was like the entire crowd had turned into ghosts with the
number to call GHOSTBUSTERS missing. It was like all the fans had
turned into HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPOS with Milton looking like a big bale of
grass. Okay, that was a stretch. It was like all the fans had built a
JENGA tower with Milton kicking out the bottom block causing a
DOWNFALL. Still a stretch? Okay, it was like all the fans were sharks
preparing for a SHARK ATTACK with Milton being a delicious ladyfish.
Still a stretch? Okay, it was like the fans were watching WHEEL OF
FORTUNE yelling at Milton to buy a vowel but he kept saying YAHTZEE.