Hats off to ESPN. Putting a sports league draft on
television has been their most brilliant move ever. Oh, the
thrills, the chills, the suspense! Just kidding. It ranks
right up there with watching HGTV’s Paint Drying Contest.
“Marv, it looks like the PPG Interior Latex is airing out at a lot
faster rate than either the Dual Grade primer or Glidden’s enamel.”
“I’m on the edge of my seat, Jack.”
The 2008 draft was full of teams announcing their
selections, players wearing fancy suits, players towering over
Commissioner Stern, and players putting on ball caps of their new
team. In the case of former Kansas star Darrell Arthur, putting
on a new hat became a bit like chasing lost luggage. First, Arthur was
chosen by the New Orleans Hornets. A great selection because, if
anything, Darrell can finish alley-oops and Chris Paul is the best
oop-setter-upper in the business and that Hornets hat looks so right on
him. Oops! The Hornets don’t last long as Darrell Arthur is
quickly traded to Portland for cash. Wow, long ways from Arthur’s
home town of Dallas, but he gets to join a strong young team.
In the meantime, forward Walter Sharpe’s stock drops
on the news he has narcolepsy. Sleepiness, really? The last
person in the draft we’d accuse of sleepiness is someone named
OJ Mayo goes to the Minnesota Timberwolves.
Minnesota folks! Give me odds on how many years it will be before
Mayo tries to buy the clinic.
Uh, oh. Another oops. Just when we said
Darrell Arthur had it good by being traded to Portland, the
Trailblazers deal him and Joey Dorsey to Houston for Nic Batum.
Okay, well at least now Arthur is back in Texas with the Rockets.
That’s good because he’s tall and slim like a rocket.
Kevin Love is picked by the Memphis Grizzlies to
play on the same team as Rudy Gay. This is good for our headline
writing business because we expect those guys to be leading scorers as
in “The Grizzlies were lead by Gay, Love.”
Oops. Kevin Love is quickly traded from
Memphis to Minnesota. From the Pyramid to the frozen north.
There goes our headlines.
Robin Lopez gets selected at 15 by the Suns.
He has the largest red-headed Afro since Richard Simmons. The
Suns ball cap floats on top of his head like a marshmallow in a bowl of
Oops, Just when Darrell Arthur is getting used to
his Rockets hat and the prospect of playing with Yao Ming, he gets
traded to Memphis. Does he, at least, get to keep all his
hats? Here’s a guy who went 20 and 11 in the NCAA championship
game and then on draft day gets traded four times. But, surely,
he has a home now. Surely, they’ll love him in… uh… uh… what team did
Kansas beat? Memphis? Oh, no.