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Nascar Fan-Friendly Suggestions by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles


Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
Nascar Fan-Friendly Suggestions

    In an effort to make their sport more fan friendly, NASCAR is dialing back some of their safety rules. They’ll open up the restrictor plates to boost horsepower and they’ll allow bump-drafting. Less restrictor plates means more speed. More speed means more excitement and bump-drafting equals more car squeezing drama. More drama means more “Yeaaaaah, uh-huhhh, rubbin’ means racin’.”

    We asked our racing expert, Hal Fast, if this was a dangerous precedent or a sign NASCAR might just want more butts in the seats.

    Before Hal could answer, former neighbor Lyle stuck his head plus two cents in the door to utter “Yeah, this be good. If you ain’t rubbin’ you might as well be drivin’ the kids to church.”

    The drivers seem to agree with Lyle. After a Talladega drivers meeting, Denny Hamlin tweeted “We signed up to drive our cars. Not be told how to.”

    “They didn’t go far enough,” says Hal Fast, former race car driver and IRL fan. “If they want to make the game more fan friendly, go all the way. Don’t dribble out little changes. If the fans want to see aggressive drivers and lead footers, give them what they want.”

    How, we ask?
     “Remove the turn signals! I think, by now, everyone knows the direction.”

    Will that make it more fan friendly?
    “That’s a start. You could get fans more involved by giving out a driver’s cell number and letting fans text during a race. What guy wouldn’t want Danica Patrick’s number? Even the gal fans would want to text Danica.”
    OMG! Ur lpstk is so gr8

    I tell Hal this will discourage NASCAR races in Oklahoma. Don’t mention the idea to Governor Henry.     

    “You want to really make it more fan friendly? Put the back seats back in the cars and let fans go along for the ride. I bet you’ll raise a bunch of money,” says Hal.
Nascar Fan-Friendly Suggestions by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles
    “I’d sign up for a piece of that. That’s good stuff,” offers Lyle.

    How many piggy banks would you break, we ask Lyle?
    “Two thousand dollars, easily. What fan wouldn’t want to lean in and shout ‘You can pass LaBonte, right here. Next turn. He’s an old guy.’”

    Lyle is chin-juttin’, pretty excited, eyes bugging. You can tell he’s taking Hal’s suggestions seriously. Hal is turning my direction, smiling and winking.


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