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Coors East?  Windy Yankee Stadium a Joke? by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles


Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
Coors East?  Windy Yankee Stadium a Joke?

        Home runs are flyin’, can’t you see them skyin’… out of the… Ol’ Ball Park? Yes, homer records are being set at the new Yankee Stadium, 20 home runs in the first four games, living on the dream of a jet stream.  14 runs in ONE inning, it got so bad the Yanks are thinking of putting the baseballs in humidors like they do in Coors Field in Denver. To put this problem in perspective and to honor the opening of his new X-Man movie we’ve asked Broadway musical veteran and baseball fan, Hugh Jackman, to explain by using slightly changed Broadway lyrics.

    HJ:  Brand new stadium, gonna treat you greatium.  Gonna buy you hotdogs, colas and knishes, seventh-inning stretches and you won’t do the dishes.
    SOS: But what about this wind problem we’re hearing about?

    HJ: Oooooh, Yannnnnkee Stadium, where the wind comes sweepin’ down the plane.
    SOS: The plane?
    HJ: Yes, the wind sweeps birds into the engine and it falls in the East River. Let me just sing my songs.
    HJ: When the bat strikes neat, the sound is sweet, and the ball goes flyin’ o’er the walllll!
Ooooooh, Yank-ee Stadium, ev’ry night my honey lamb and I, we watch the guys… hit balls called flies…cept it jumps out like a kangerooooo! 
    SOS: But this is bad, Mr. Jackman, don’t you understand. This is the temple of baseball. Something’s got to be fixed or it’s just going to get worse tomorrow.

    HJ: The sun’ll come out tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar… Yankee fans will holler… as long as we’re not playing the Indians. Because tomorrow…tomorrow… you’re always a day a-way!
    SOS: Hugh, you’re not getting the seriousness. Fans are becoming dysfunctional in a non-batting sort of way. The biggest advertiser on Yankee games is now Levitra.  Some are saying this wind tunnel artificial home run thing is a joke.

    HJ: Isn’t it rich? Are we a pair?  Me, here at last… with no frown.  You, over there….send in the clowns. Send in the clowns!
    SOS: Umm, Mr. Jackman… would you mind backing up a little bit?
    HJ: Isn’t it rich? Isn’t it queer, losing my timing… this late in the year? Where are the clowns? There… ought to be clowns!
    SOS: Did you remember the part where I asked if you could back up?
Coors East?  Windy Yankee Stadium a Joke? by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles
    HJ:  How I love ya! I’ve been away from you a long time. I never thought I’d miss you so, House that Ruth built. Ooooh, Yankee – how I love ya,  how I love ya – my dear old Yankee.
    SOS: So you are singing TO the stadium?
    HJ:  I’d give the world… to… be… among the folks in Ol’ Bronxie, even though my mammy’s waiting for me, praying for me down by the… Yankee – how I love ya, how I love ya.

    SOS: But what about this wind problem?    
    HJ: Like NASCAR with their cars, put big skirts on the stadium to deflect the wind.
    SOS: Where on the stadium?
    HJ: On the top… like the Coloseum.  On the top… like the Louvre Museum.  On the top of Ruth’s Big House!! Shape it like a Bendel bonnet … or… Mickey Mouse!!
    SOS: Mickey Mouse?
    HJ: Yeah, Mickey Mouse has these big ears. They could hire the X-Men. The X-men can fix the problem in no time. By the way, see my movie.

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