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Nigerians to Take Over Newcastle  by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles


Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
Nigerians to Take Over Newcastle

       I’m not sure how I got so lucky.
And I’m not sure if I should be telling you this… but a Nigerian businessman has offered me an excellent opportunity. It seems his recently passed father was an oil minister and his father had millions of dollars in a bank vault that the son wants to get out of the country.

    He wants me to help him by depositing millions in my bank account and then paying me a fee for my trouble. Like I said, lucky I guess. I’m not one to tempt fate. However, this opportunity is a little different. Not only will he deposit $ 45 million in my account and then pay me $ 1 million for helping in the transfer of his funds BUT… he also will give me season tickets to watch the Newcastle Magpie soccer team. 

    That’s the part that got me excited. The million dollar fee would be nice but SEASON TICKETS to watch Newcastle plus a couple of round trip airline tickets to London really sweetens the deal. 

    As it turns out I’m not the only Yank being offered this type of deal. It appears a  consortium of Nigerian businessmen are trying to pool $ 350 million for the purchase of Newcastle. According to these letters all of the businessmen have funds locked up in bank accounts or safety deposit boxes because they were related to some administrator of the government – Agricultural Minister, Mining Czar, CEO of the Nigerian Stock Exchange.

    I guess when they get all these funds freed, they’ll pool it together and become owners of a big-time English soccer team. And we Americans who helped these guys get to go along for the ride. My wife is not a big soccer fan. She has no idea about the Magpies. But she does have sightseeing plans for London when we go. Something about double-decker buses.
Nigerians to Take Over Newcastle  by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles
    Mike Ashley, owner of the Newcastle Magpies Football Club says he is checking out individuals from the purchasing group at the moment. He says he knows of no reason the deal won’t go through.

    You can tell the Nigerians are confident. They’ve already planned a big party in Newcastle to celebrate their takeover. We’ve heard from at least twenty American bands who have been invited to cross the pond and perform at the bash. At least some of the bands have already been paid by cashier’s check. And we were told by a few of the bands that they were even overpaid. Of course the Nigerians have politely requested the overpayment to be returned. But still… this has the markings of a big party.

    I’ll let you know how things go and when the transfer deposit is wired to our bank account. Right now, all I have to do is give them my routing number, account number and authorization for Mr. Nadene to wire the funds.

    I guess it’s because I write a little sports column where I sometimes mention soccer but, on days like this I have to pinch myself and ask… how did I get so lucky?

Silliman On Sports
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