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By Stan Silliman
       
Nikola Pekovic Tweets

Or does he?  There’s a very funny twitter account purported to be tweets from the 6’11, 290 pound Minnesota NBA center Nikola Pekovic. The hilarious account is listed as AllThatIsMan14 and the tweeter goes by Big Pek 14. It takes a little doing to understand his tweets because they appear to be in Eastern European broken English, of the type most prevalent in Montenegro.  You want examples?

Jan 14 – “When Barea have sore ankle, I give him yak testicle remedy to heal… He not give thank”
Jan 19 – “I miss Montenegro. USA woman not even able to pull oxcart. How they reproduce?”
Jan 19 – “I punch you. You no tell Pek how to plays basketballs.”
Jan 19 – “Today I lift Barea to reach top shelf in locker. He no give thank.”
Jan 20 – “Watch TV for Big Pek. I flash medieval warrior tattoo for you. Woman cannot resist.”
Jan 20 – “Big Pek not Godfather. Big Pek one that make all babies. I sex like bull.”
Jan 20 – “You no tell Big Pek to dunk! You weak like southern Montenegrin!!  I crush you with medieval warrior bicep.”
Jan 20 – “Put Big Pek in game. I break all Clipper with flex of bicep!”
Jan 20 – “I show Staples Center real man! I punch Frankie Munez in face.”
Jan 20 – “Big Pek too strong for Clipper. I bigger than Ottoman empire.”Jan 21 – “Good win but Big Pek no get good minutes. Now I have to lift Barea overhead to stay strong. He no thank…”
Jan 21 – “Utah like Montenegro. Beautiful mountains and men get many womans! Maybe Pek retire here and make many babies.”
Jan 21 – “I make Barea watch “My Giant” again. He not like it when I make him sit on lap… so I bounce him on knee to make stop whine.”
Jan 22 – “Barea and I go shop for grocery.  I make him ride in cart and lift him for top shelf. He no thank.”
Jan 23 – “My cousin admit he born in South Montenegro… he bring great shame upon family.”
Jan 23 – “I sex many woman who look like Scola. And then I sex many other womans.”
Jan 23 – “Why I no get more minutes? I make every shot in shoot around and crush all weaklings.”

To this point what have we learned? It is shameful to be from South Montenegro. Pekovic has not been starting yet JJ Barea seems to be a running gag and is most tiny and object of great fun. Also, Pekovic seems to have a thing for Kim Kardashian. Plus, for sure, this is a fake twitter account but the tweeter sure seems to know his Pekovic.

Jan 25 – “I give Kim reproduce. Kim give Big Pek many strong baby.”
Jan 25 – “Delonte West look like Vampire Bat! In Montenegro, we kill with wood stake.”
Jan 25 – “Tonight Big Pek sex all three Kardashians woman! I get workout like Ivan Drago!”
Jan 25 – “If all things bigger in Texas, why Barea still fit in Big Peks pocket?”

Up to this point, Pekovic had been playing behind center, Darko Milicic, a Serbian. Serbia and Montenegro are neighbors but sometimes Serbs and Montenegrins don’t like each other. After Jan 25 Pekovic gets more minutes, then starts in place of Darko and registers numbers like 14 and 10, 13 and 9, 13 And 12, 27 and 11, 11 and 9, 23 and 10.  Let’s see if this is reflected in the tweets?
Nikola Pekovic Tweets by Stan
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Jan 25 – (Against Mavs) “Big Pek break rim forever. Now I crush fancy German!”
Jan 25 – “Texas never forget night Big Pek invade like Ottomans! Mahini much too weakling to handle great hero! As new prime minister I rename Texas into Pexas!”
Jan 27 – “Tonight Big Pek show womans in Target Center tremendous groin. They all fight for right to touch.”
Jan 30 – “Houston new capital of Republic of Pexas!! Big Pek tough but fair!”
Feb 3  -- “New Jersey smell like musk ox scrotum! That also what Okur look like.”
Feb 4  -- “Chandler Parson cover Big Pek? Why not six year old girl who sits courtside!?!”
Feb 7  -- “Big Pek make many baby that cry less than Cousins!”
Feb 7  – “Big Pek already prime minister of Pexas! Now Pekramento!”
Feb 9  – “Memphis like southern Montenegro. Womans more hairy than man and music sound like ox sexing.”

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