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O.J. vs The Longhorns by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles


Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
O.J. vs The Longhorns 

         OJ Simpson and the Texas Longhorn Football team seem to be in a race to see who can get the most publicity. It’s not exactly a publicist’s dream job since most of it is negative publicity. With six arrests since summer the Longhorns are going for some kind of a record. Is it time of possession? We’re not sure.

    We think it’s a rumor that Coach Brown and OJ both called F. Lee Bailey for their defense. We think it’s also a rumor that Mack called OJ for advice but that OJ wouldn’t take the call when he heard it was from someone named Brown. 

    We’re not sure Mack would have taken OJ’s advice anyway since the only advice OJ gives someone is to “cut their losses.”

    What was OJ thinking? That he could just walk into someone’s room and take back his stuff? Who does he think he is – Cedric Benson?* Let me re-phrase that. What was OJ thinking?  That he could just walk into a memorabilia room in Vegas and take back his stuff? Hasn’t he seen the ads? Didn’t he know when you steal something in Vegas, you stay in Vegas? But in that regard OJ does have something in common with all those ballplayers arrested in Austin – they all made bond.

* Explanation time. One of the 17 Longhorn players arrested in the last nine years was Cedric Benson who broke into an apartment and left with a plasma TV. Later it was explained that the TV was Benson’s and he was repossessing it from another student. Benson was charged with trespassing. Here’s another reason to associate OJ with the Longhorns. You can surmise OJ studied Cedric Benson’s case and felt if Cedric could walk in with some heat and take back his stuff why couldn’t he?

     Some people think OJ staged his repossession to whip up publicity for his new book “If I Did It.” The only problem is OJ no longer owns the rights to that book. It was awarded to Fred Goldman who promptly changed the title to “I Did It!”

    Some other people think the Longhorn players are getting arrested to help publicize Mack Brown’s new book “Where’s Vince?”
O.J. vs The Longhorns by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles

    We think that last one is another rumor. There are too many rumors going around. We don’t believe the Texas Department of Corrections is actually building a prison across from the football stadium… so the players can walk to practice. Or that the players are wearing their orange jerseys to pick up roadside trash on Sundays. Or that the back page of their playbook is totally devoted to learning their Miranda rights. Or that they are being slowed down on passing routes by the pesky ankle chains.  No! All that stuff is rumors probably started by A & M or Sooner fans. Don’t believe it.

    Here are a few other rumors you should not believe: The real killers, you know the ones OJ is always looking for are not hiding on a golf course. Johnny Cochran is not going to defend OJ on these latest charges no matter how much OJ thinks he will. Also UT is not going to change their special cheer to “Book ‘em Horns.” You can make book on that one.

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