Darts, in the Olympics? Okay, all together… LOL. LMAO.
We hate writing about things that will never come to
fruition, that’s why we don’t write about an end to the Iraq War. But
darts, as an Olympic game, we write about? Call me meshuga,
crazy, whacky, or British.
The last one, the British, they’re the goof balls.
They think just because the 2012 Olympics will be held in London that
the Olympic committee will adopt darts as a sanctioned game. Here’s the
little clause in the Olympic hosting contract that makes them all
chipper about the prospect: “All host nations are allowed to promote a
sport/game with origins from their own country.”
Don’t they get the picture? Don’t they realize the
U.S. hosted the Atlanta Olympics and we couldn’t push bowling through
the committee? The Brits are so short-sighted. They trotted out the
“All host nations…” clause but then they didn’t turn to page 6,
paragraph 4 which reads “Any sport in which you can perform while
holding a mug of beer in one hand will never be considered an Olympic
Not only does the Olympic committee not want darts
or bowling or pool, they can’t even fathom a Mark Roth (bowler) or a
Phil Taylor (darter) or a Minnesota Fats (pool hustler) strolling
through the Olympic Village. They don’t want to have to re-define the
word athlete. They don’t want pizza delivery trucks backed up
trying to get in the Village.
Dart lovers are always saying “Well, if archery can
be an Olympic sport, why not darts?” Didn’t I just tell them? It takes
two hands to do the archery. You can’t drink a beer while yanking on
your longbow. Hey, hey… hey! Don’t go porn on me.
It’s the same argument bowlers tried with Curling, the winter Olympic
sport. “Well, curling is just bowling… on ice.” No, it’s not. Curling
involves a broom. And page 8, paragraph 3 of the rules and bylaws says
“If your sport has a broom, welcome to the room.”
Yes, darts is similar to archery. Both have circular
targets in which you aim pointy things. Yes, it started in the English
town of Dartford. Yes, their town jester soon learned not to wear
target adorned garb. Yes, the first dart games involved little bitty
arrows and little tiny bows. Yes, this went on for a while until
William Tell threw down his bow and said “I will toss the bloody
arrow.” Yes, bloody because you can’t hit the apple every time. Yes,
the Brits, the Scandinavians, the Dutch and the Canadians are all crazy
about darts. Yes, now we understand why there is such a high beer
consumption associated with this game. Yes, darts is the pub equivalent
to Dungeons and Dragons. Yes, darts sounds a little like dates. Yes,
the word “dates” is ironic because both World of Warcraft and Dart
players never get them. Yes, we would make that joke in front of
Dungeons and Dragon players. And yes, we do not make that joke in front
of dart players… cause they’re holding those little pointy things.
The other factor going against darts in being
considered an Olympic sport – it can’t be viewed in a large venue. Too
close in a game. It is only a few steps removed from a board game.
The carnival game – Skee-ball stands a better Olympic chance. Would we
say this to a dart player? Ummmm… no, they are still holding those