|Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
PAT: IF MANNING GETS HURT, BRONCO’S FAULT
Well, there you go. Pat feels like the Denver Broncos treated Tim Tebow shabbily and could get their comeuppance in the form of a Manning injury. Gee, that’s sad because Peyton Manning is one of football’s good guys but since Denver chose Manning over Tebow, God will punish him and them. Pat told us so, like almost.
I’m not sure what will happen to Peyton although Pat probably does know. We’ll try to peek inside Pat’s head to see what’s going on. Surely Peyton won’t meet a fate like New Orleans did which, clearly, Pat says was God’s wrath – punishment for Bounty Gate.
So how will Peyton suffer his fate? A heaven-inflicted knee-buckle by the left tackle leaving Manning with a blind side hit to the neck? A freak snow storm which drops five feet of powder on Mile High in five minutes? John Denver flying his airplane onto the field after making twenty jillion trips around the world? A tattoo-parlor foul-up after Peyton parties with the Nuggets? A skiing accident at Telluride where Peyton drives in on Highway 666 and someone switches the bunny slope signs with the black diamonds?
Pat Robertson knows but he’s not telling. All we know is Pat’s going to shift his allegiance from the Broncos to the New York Jets. Gosh, this has to pain him, going from a stadium where Billy Graham once preached to a place where Jimmy Hoffa is buried in the end zone. Going from a stadium that is up high pretty close to God to a spot not all that far from Snooki.
And here’s the worst part. When a hurricane heads toward the D.C. area and Pat prays it away, he can’t use his fallback and tell God to let the hurricane hit New York where the non-believers live. He’ll have to modify his prayers to steer the winds clear of Tim Tebow.
Here’s another thing Pat’s going to need adjust to, cozying up to Rex Ryan, the cussingest coach in football. Then there’s Rex’s toe-ho pretty-footed wife. This could be an eye-opener for Mr. Robertson.
I bet you’re wondering how the “Manning-Injury” statement stacks up to Pat’s “Haiti-Devil” comment and his “9/11-ACLU” comment. In case you forgot, Pat said Haiti’s earthquakes were because of “Haiti’s pact with the devil” and “the ACLU has to take a lot of the blame for the 9/11 attacks.” We’re discounting both of Pat’s earlier statements because, frankly, they didn’t involve sports. But when Pat says the world’s most beloved MVP quarterback might have injury befall him, we think he’s meddling.
Pat can ascribe blame or give credit to the almighty for natural disasters all he wants. But when he steps into the sports arena with dire predictions, he’s affecting lives! He’s not ranting about Hindus or Presbyterians or other groups he hates, he’s talking about games people care about. Pat can theorize why God let a tornado hit Branson all he wants. And, for the love of me, I can’t figure that one because Branson is God’s entertainment village. But if he thinks one team is going to be favored or hurt because of some Tebow mistreatment, he’s off in left field. And, worst of all, if Pat is to be believed, it will affect Vegas odds. I don’t know what is worst, Pat cozying up to New York or making Vegas bookmakers even richer?
|Silliman On Sports
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