Karen Sypher was found guilty of extorting Louisville basketball coach
Rick Patino. Whew, so now the trial is over, the movie can begin.
If you followed the case you know about the key
scenes: the cozy Italian restaurant, the back booth, the sex, the
abortion, the extortion, the rape claim, the trial. All we need now are
scripts, plots and actors. Movies have been started with less.
Do you need a re-hash? Okay, just for you. We don’t
do this for all our readers. Picture this: Late at night, meatball
joint (for grins, let’s call it Porcini’s), tall-blonde (let’s call her
Karen Wise) walks into the place, sees the Coach and his buddies near
the back booth, walks up, whispers in the coach’s ear, buddies clear,
bartender tosses keys and tells “the Boys” to lock up when done,
where-in Blondie and Coachie un-zip, a few moans and groans, then
Blondie drives the coach home.
Next we see the coach answering a phone, perturbed
look, saying something like “You can’t be pregnant… it’s not my kid”
then agrees to give her $ 3000 for “medical expenses” which is carried
to Ms. Wise by his long time assistant and equipment manager, Tim
Here’s a quirky twist: Sypher falls in love with
Karen as he drives her to an abortion clinic, and, oh yeah, after
realizing they have so much in common – Coach Patino plus a trip to the
abortionist – they get married. Six years later, a man calls
Patino claiming Rick raped Karen and they’ll go to the police unless $
10 million and other considerations are paid. Yada, yada.
Who do you root for in a sports movie like this?
That’s why it might be tough to cast these characters… even sleazy
Hollywood types have some morals.
We’re thinking Pacino as Patino. A little make-up,
baby Al’s face up a bit. Either Glenn Close, because we love
typecasting, or Anne Heche as Karen Wise Sypher. Those were easy. Minor
characters, if they’re juicy, make or break a movie and the minor
characters we learned about in the trial, can be considered “juicy.”
The Patino team tried to paint Sypher as a seducer
so they trotted up one seductee after another. Lester Goetzinger
had a few dates with Karen and told the jurors Karen knew his name
because he “wore it on his belt buckle.” For the part of Lester,
let’s try Eric Stonestreet (Cameron on “Modern Family”).
Patino’s friend Glenn Hogan, one of Patino’s Porcini
bar buddies and known for the “what you got under there?” line as he
lifts up Karen’s skirt, to be played by Colin Quinn.
Attorney Dana Kolter, originally hired by Karen but
later dragged up as another seductee, to be played by Daniel
Baldwin. Tim Sypher, Patino’s long time assistant and former
husband of Karen, to be played by UConn basketball coach Jim Calhoun.
We’re still mulling the title. “Over in 15 Seconds”, based on
Patino’s statement of how long the tryst lasted, might work. “Back Booth Boogie” might work but
we doubt, unless the music warrants. “Quick
Shot Rick” is a catchy title but we expect it to be used as a
chant by opposing fans. “Porcini
Mushroom” with a triple meaning basing the title on the
restaurant, their food of choice and a sex act? Too complicated?
Nah, in this event… fits right in.