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Payday For ZAZA? by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles


Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
Payday For ZAZA?

        A pro basketball player has been notified he will inherit $ 100 million dollars from a rich uncle. Only one catch, the player must marry and stay married for five years to claim his inheritance.
    This internet story comes from the blog, BASKETBAWFUL, if that tells you anything, but we’re running it anyway. Why, you ask? Because our regular crazy stories are lacking in the letter Z. This piece will make amends.

    The story first ran that Atlanta Hawks center, Zaza Pachulia, receives a call from a lawyer informing him about the rich uncle, the money and the stipulation. Intriguing right, being Zaza is a 25-year-old bachelor and a six-year NBA veteran?

    We research everything we can find on Pachulia. For instance, and don’t hit me with Ray Charles should have two different versions, Zaza, who was born in Georgia, Tbilisi, now plays in Georgia, Atlanta. Funny, right? There are so many other funny things about Pachulia we can’t tell them all, nor should we because we had the wrong Zaza. Yeah, I know, the WRONG Zaza? How many zippin’ Zazas can there be? Apparently, in that part of the world, a zillion. 

    Yes, one day after they teased us with this tantalizer, the awful blog, BASKETBAWFUL, retracted Pachulia and told us the real heir was Zaza Enden. It’s seems the blogger had a little trouble translating Turkish, where the story originated. Note to self: never have coffee, cigarettes or a bath with the Basketbawlful blogger. So we swap one Zaza for another, and mind you, we did this while eating salsa, which we spit up when a picture of Zaza Enden came over the screen.
Whereas Zaza Pachulia might be marriage material Zaza Enden is less so. I’m being kind. 
    How do I say this without being snarky? Zaza makes Lyle Lovett look like Cary Grant.
Susan Boyle would run from this guy. If you were a gold chain looking for a hairy chest, you still wouldn’t want his. If you were an ugly stick looking for a face to smash, you’d cry because another one beat you to it. If you were a funhouse mirror, you’d break. If you were a plastic surgeon and heard this guy inherited $ 100 million, you’d trip over your scalpels trying to catch a plane to Istanbul. 
Payday For ZAZA? by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles
    So what if the guy is a pro player in Turkey and not the NBA, it’s still a story. Maybe Zsa Zsa will hook up with him. Yes, that Zsa Zsa. There might be a lot of Zazas but only one Zsa Zsa.
    Hold on. Now we find there’s something fishy about the second Zaza. It seems Mr. Enden is prone to theatrics, even appeared on the Turkish version of Dancing with the Stars where he was eliminated in the belly dancing round. His castanets got caught on his chest hairs which led the Len Goodman of Turkey to “Well, I admire your enthusiasm but you’re ugly.”

    He once made headlines for beating his girlfriend. Now you’re thinking “How can this guy not be in the NBA?” So it’s possible this could be a scam started by Enden to entice a marriage partner plus make her stay five years. As the Three Stooges would say “that’s a lot of beatings.” And then what if he drops her after four years and uses the old “never got the inheritance cause she bailed” line. Wait a minute! Wasn’t this a Scrooges script where Shemp has to marry to collect? The Stooges liked to beat on people. Could they just now be getting to Turkey? Hmmm? That’s zesty. No, it’s zany. Yeah, zestfully zany as Zach Braff would say.

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