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Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman

“Weinersnitzel! Sauerbraten! Autsch! Mein Finger ist zu hart!”
The above are sounds you will hear during a Bavarian Alpine finger wrestling festival. Especially when one buffed up lederhosen-wearing German another is yanking the index finger of another lederhosen clad gentleman out of joint.
“Ahhh be bockk!” is what the loser’s finger joint seems to be screaming. It’s eerie how the knuckle of a mangled finger can sound so much like Ahnold. 
Do you need all your fingers to hoist a lager of beer? It doesn’t seem to bother these guys in Lenggries, Germany at the Finger Fest. We’ve seen a bunch of three-fingered lagertossers, or as the Germans like to call them, gute alte jungs (good-old-boys).
This year’s event was hosted by the Isargau Club. The table size is regulated, the referee is picked and whoever is first to pull his opponent over the halfway line twice is the winner. While traveling to the event we saw some really strong women, one carrying a gimpy Clydesdale, so we had to ask how many women have won the event.
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“Never! It ist unerhort (unheard of)!”
Whoa, Fritz, it’s the Twenty-First century. Afraid a frau will flog you? Why not let the gals at least finger wrestle among themselves?
“Es passt einfach nicht! (It does not fit!)”
Wait a moment, is not this the new Germany? Is the festival limited to dummkopfs only? How about a whole group of female muscled up dimwits? Hmmm?
“Ya vant us to velcome umgangsspraclichen en our club? Finger pulling results en stinkenwinden! Es passt einfach nicht! Nein, nein, nein!”
Stinkenwinden? Seriously? How do you alert the rest of the village?
“Mit yodeling, naturlich (naturally – of course).”
Oh, sure, now I get it. Well, at least, you let the women partake in the yodeling? Or is it mensch with the yodels, hausfraus with the strudels?
“Who’s the dummkopf now? Haven’t you heard of yodeler, Erika Stucky, her album won Germany’s Schallplattenkritik award?”
We end this here. I don’t want a Schallplattenkritik anywhere near me. Erika Stucky might like it but it sounds painful.  Just like those poor giant guys getting their fingers pulled out of socket. To add to my nightmare, I imagine the participants drop in on a hostel for medical attention and Dr. Saw is peeking at them from behind a curtain.     

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