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Cam Out Of Jam? Reflections On Our Favorite Newton by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles


Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
Cam Out Of Jam? Reflections On Our Favorite Newton

No slammer for the Cammer.
No slammer for the Cammer
Cause when Daddy asked for cash
But when Pop's request was dashed
He dashed...on over to the Tigers
With his not-yet-pro in tow
No slammer for the Cammer
He was headin' for Alabammer
Just not the one with the loose tusks
And the Saban...
That other one

Okay, sorry, I'll keep my day job. Poetry pays zilch, anyway.

Now to get serious. Tough assignment for a Silliman. What does the Cam Newton eligibility ruling mean for college football? 

    1.    (Which has the BCS flashing giddy, blubbering smirks) There is a great chance two BCS teams, Duckies and Tigers, make the national championship game. Money, money, money, money.

    2.    It means daddies, preachers and agents can sin, but the kids don't get punished. After all, you can't expect a young college student to be financially responsible and worldly wise. After all, it's not like he was 21. 

Wait? Now you're telling me Cam was 21?

Anyway, that doesn't change the fact Auburn fans shouldn't be punished because Cam's daddy has his hand out at Mississippi State. Maybe the hand-out trick—money, money, money, money—was just Cecil's way of getting his kid out of Starkville.

You can't call Cam Newton a Reggie Bush. After all, Bush had a tricked-out ride and a Kardashian. There were no Kardashians anywhere near Cam Newton.

Wait? You're telling me Cam has two Kardashians in his trunk? Didn't know that.

Besides, Reggie got his school on probation. None of the schools in the Cam Newton bidding war—money, money, money, money—are on probation, right?

Cam is no Hart Lee Dykes, the former OSU and New England Patriot wide receiver. After all Hart Lee was tall and strong and ran like the wind.
Wait? You're telling me Cam Newton is also tall and strong and runs like the...?

And then you're also telling me Hart Lee Dykes got three schools—Illinois, Oklahoma, and Oklahoma State—on probation by pocketing cash advances on a bidding war? With OSU's four years being the harshest?

You can't compare these two tall strong run-like-the-wind guys just because one had his hand out in the '80s and the other said he didn't know about no money, money, money, money.

Besides, Hart Lee Dykes, after he got all these schools on probation was kicked off the team at OSU because he or his agent asked for all that money, money, money, money.
Cam Out Of Jam? Reflections On Our Favorite Newton by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles

Wait? You're saying Hart Lee remained in school and was allowed to play?

Even after testimony? Even after the schools were placed on probation?

Are you saying he kept his eligibility even when it was found OSU assistant coach Willie Anderson funneled a minimum of $23,000 to Hart Lee?

Seriously? He was allowed to play against and for teams involved in his bidding war? Teams he sent to jail? And he wasn't punished?

What about Willie Anderson, the money man? Surely, he was fired. He was?

Okay.And coach Jimmy Johnson, Willie Anderson's head coach; surely he was punished?

Not exactly? He got off squeaky free, went to Miami and won a national championship? And Willie Anderson, what happened to him? He became a preacher? He became a preacher?!

Okay, one more thing. How much is  $23,000 in 1985 dollars worth now? If you tell me $180,000 I will faint. Okay, I'm waiting. How much?

$48,000. That's it? Whew. Nope, there's no comparison between Cam and Hart Lee. 

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