star Luis Ronaldo, known as a striker, claimed he did not strike her,
when he was hauled into a Rio de Janeiro police station. Easy to prove,
says The Phenomenon (El Fenomeno): he did not strike her, referring to a motel party with three prostitutes, because there were no hers.
Turns out all the pros were transvestites, cross dressers, so all the she’s were he’s.
Meanwhile, north of the equator, three women have been linked with
Roger Clemens. Hmmm? Three Flings for the Rocket or Three Trannies for
El Fenomeno. Which makes for a better movie title… starring Tommy Lee
Jones? We don’t know.
do know Roger Clemens is a headline hog. Here was a soccer player’s
chance for some pub, maybe even get into the Caught-with-a-Tranny-Hall-of-Fame and Roger has to wet on his spotlight. A bit smirky of Roger, we say.
we have a vested interest. We want a sports figure in the Caught with a Tranny Hall because we don’t write about actors paying penance by putting on fat suits and calling themselves Norbit or voicing a donkey buddying up to an ogre. We favor the sports guy even if the sports figure is a soccer player.
Ronaldo, a three time FIFA World Player of the Year, isn’t your average
futbol player. Your average soccer player isn’t a sucker for guys in
high heels. Ronaldo claimed he didn’t know the “ladies” were packing.
It’s like the scene out of “Crying Game” where under the skirt there’s
a surprise. Only this time, triple. Ronaldo says when the surprises
came he short circuited the party, tried to kick them out when one of
them turned la bruja. A spiteful bruja
who stomps into the street yelling “El Fenomeno didn’t want to pay” and
then returning to rip out phone lines so Ronaldo couldn’t call
for help. Then Ronaldo says when he offered the three pros $ 600 each,
the crazy one, la bruja loco, tried to jack him for $ 50,000 reals ($30,000) to not call the papers.
So are you with us,
feeling sorry for Ronaldo? There’s the indignity of the motel video
clip making the rounds on Brazilian YouTube taped by one of the
transvestites. There’s the indignity of being known as one of the
world’s greatest ball kickers and yet when the time came… And then
there’s the indignity of having been one of the greatest but having
been out of the spotlight for a while and then just when a juicy story
thrusts you front and center… that bastard Roger Clemens trots out all
his girlfriends… including a 16-yr-old country singer.
That Clemens, what a creep, right? El bastardo!
Stomps on the soccer boy’s parade. Ronaldo goes out to celebrate a
victory by his favorite Brazilian soccer team, the Flamengo, and gets
fooled by trannies. I know what you’re thinking, Pink Flamengos? We
didn’t ask. The point is… Ronaldo had the front page and Roger
pushed it to the inside, deep inside.
Here’s our theory:
Every few days a new Rocket girl comes forth, enough women to make you
think that private jet Roger was bedding more women than Wilt
Chamberlain. No way he could have that kind of sex drive taking
steroids, you have to think. He must be mainlining Viagra or at the
least, B-12 shots. But wait, didn’t Roger tell us he was taking B-12
shots and not steroids? Hmmmm? Who’s outing all these paramours?
Not Ronaldo. He’s not that savvy.