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Silliman
on Sports By Stan Silliman Sacha
Cohen on Sasha Cohen
Sasha Cohen is this tiny little figure skater (95 pounds… with her
skates), so adept and so flexible (she can scratch her back… with her
skates) she’s favored to win a gold medal in the Winter Olympics (with
her skates).
Sacha Cohen is this wacky British comedian with his crazy personas who is loved by his fans but hated by almost everyone else including the whole country of Kazakhstan for his portrayal of Borat, a Kazakhstani TV guy with a penchant for controversy. We thought it would be cute with the Winter Olympics starting if we allowed Sacha Cohen and all his characters to interview little Sasha Cohen in all her skating outfits. Ali G: Sasha Cohen, can I, Ali G, be ya ska partner? Sasha: I skate alone. I’m a single. Ali G: Is it ‘cos I is black? Gimme a chance. I is cool. Sasha: I see that. Wish me luck in the Olympics. Ali G: Why call other skaters triple sluts? Is they go three way? Sasha: That’s a skating movement, the Triple Lutz. Ali G: Donna ya think skaters should only marry one man? Does you believe in mahogany? Sasha: All I’m thinking about is beating Arakawa and Slutskaya in Turin. Ali G: See there ya go. Other skaters be sluts. Is it ‘cos the ice makes ya cold? Sasha: Is there somebody else who can interview me? Borat: In US of A, they treat horses like we in Kazakhstan treat women. They make them jump over fences while being whipped. Is good yeahhh? Sasha: I don’t know what you’re talking about. Borat: I saying they make you walk on thin blades, wear little skirts and jump over barrels. Sasha: I don’t jump over any barrels. Borat: If you jump over barrels, do they have clowns in them… or dogs… like in Kazakhstan? Sasha: Do you know anybody at all that knows about figure skating?  Borat: Yakshemash! To marry a girl in US of A, you cannot go up to her father and swap her for twenty gallons of pesticide. Here, you have to date first. Sasha: Twenty gallons of pesticide won’t cut it here. Bruno: I’m Bruno. You know me from “Funkyzeit Mit Bruno.” If you let me dress you, girl, all the judges eyes be poppin’, the gay ones and the straight ones. Sasha: Well, I could use some help on my outfits. Bruno: You seen Brian Boitono? Rudy Galindo? My fashion shows their pectorals. Extra points, if ya know what I mean. Sasha: Wish me luck. All you guys know that other Sacha Cohen, huh? I’m not buying it. |