By Stan Silliman
Silliman Says To Sacramento and Memphis: Switch Team Names
Sacramento Grizzlies. Memphis Kings.
There, I said it. Best idea I've had in a week. Sacramento and Memphis just trade team names.Bears belong in California. In fact, California loves bears and protects bears. There are no bears in Memphis... unless there's a zoo. Sacramento is only the Kings because they moved from Kansas City.
The named worked in Kansas City. It was alliterative. It flowed off the tongue. It was also one of the worst franchises in NBA history. Yeah, they had Nate Archibald, but their chances of winning matched his nickname—Tiny.
The King belongs in Memphis. And by King, I mean Elvis—the King.
It's a natural. Memphis becomes the Kings and then they Elvis up their entire franchise. Hey, come back. Listen. I just wanna be your teddy bear.
And by Teddy Bear I don't mean Grizzly. I mean Elvis. Sneering lips, loose fitting pants, guitar twanging, thank ya verrry much, Elvis. Elvis, the King!
Can you see it? All these Elvis impersonators descending on Memphis. They've got jobs waiting. It's Cadillac heaven. Snicker bars sold in concessions. Doctor Nick's Concoctions at the liquor counter.
Then the dance team is the Priscillas. Nice beaver you've got there. (If you're a Naked Gun fan, give yourself a hand). Can you see it? All the gals dressed up like Priscilla on Naked Gun or Dallas dancing to Elvis songs.
Elvis impersonators for ushers! Another fantastic idea. If you happen to run into Stan Silliman at Morty's Comedy Club in Indianapolis on November 4th, tell him what a great idea Elvis ushers will be. I'll appreciate it.
Fans will come out just to be ushered.
"Front row for the nice couple...or shall I seat you In the Ghetto?"An Elvis
impersonator tending bar? "How would you like your drink ma'am—All Shook Up?"
Elvis Impersonators as cheerleaders, putting
out some Elvis sweat? Why, the very idea:
And then the team comes out in blue suede tennis shoes. How cool will that be? O.J. Mayo can cross you over—from country right back to rock'n roll. He's a crossover talent.
Think it over, kiddos. Then start your petitions heading to David Stern's desk. He can make an exception if enough people request it.
Sacramento will love being Grizzlies. Do it
while Ah-nold is still in office. I want to hear him say "It's a natural. Grizzly bear es beeg und
strong... like me. I'll be baaack to vatch ze Sacramento Grizzlies."
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