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                                        UNIV NORTH DAKOTA by Stan
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Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman

NCAA: Change names or lose events. 

The Fighting Sioux nickname at the University of North Dakota is under fire, from many sides - advocates of political incorrectness, numerous Native American tribes who find it offensive, team opponents who’d rather play against a different nickname, General Custer’s heirs, and the NCAA.  The NCAA doesn’t have the legal authority to make a school change its nickname or logo but it can control which teams host regional events, such as ice hockey, which, in North Dakota’s case, their ice hockey is among the best and is played in the best college rink in the country.

On the keep-the-nickname side is the State of North Dakota, who passed laws saying the University could never change their nickname, the Spirit Lake Tribe, who granted use of the name to the University, and rich alumnus Ralph Engelstad, who donated $ 100 million toward the construction of the 2001 ice arena on the condition the Fighting Sioux nickname be used indefinitely. Engelstad also placed thousands of logos throughout the Engelstad Arena, virtually insuring eternal usage.  

So how can Silliman help? After all, when we started our column one of our principles was to promote and assist sports and sports teams. When we see a problem we rally our creative forces to solve it.

Here’s the plan: THE FIGHTING SOUS. Keep the name, change the spelling, change the logo, promote the cooking school. The game announcers don’t have to do a relearn so everyone wins.

But Silliman, you’re saying, that’s your solution? Replace one French word for another, one, being an Indian term for “Little Snakes” for someone who bakes “little cakes?” Besides, you continue, the “Fighting Sioux” were proud warriors defending their land against aggressors, “Little Big Horn” and all that. All the “Fighting Sous” have to defend themselves against are drunken chefs pissed about burnt crepes!

Before you start knocking assistant chefs or try to imply cooks can’t be feared ruffians, need I mention Bobby Flay, Mario Batali or Oleg, the cook on “Broke Girls.” These guys are skilled with butcher knives and hot plates.  So, there!
                              DAKOTA by Stan Silliman humor sports
                              comedy cartoons articles

Cheerleaders will wear sous chef hats, boxing gloves. The baton twirler juggles cleavers. They’ll call the arena “The Kitchen.” The announcer will blare out “If you can’t stand the heat, don’t play in our Kitchen!!” “They flattened ‘em like a pancake.”  “Get ready for the sizzle!!” And then all the cheerleaders do their sizzle dance.

“Two bits, four bits, six bits, voila!
All who like Sous, stand up and holla’”

“Push ‘em back, baking rack,
on the back burner
Knock ‘em down, break ‘em up
Like Jane and Ted Turner”

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