We’re calling last weekend’s questionable
coaching events Salsa-Gate vs Soda-Gate or, as
others might say Steelers’ Mike Tomlin twinkle
toeing the sidelines versus the Nets’ Jason
Kidd bouncing his soda.
Not sure which is worse, Tomlin interfering
with Jacoby Jones, as Jones returned a kickoff
down the sidelines or Jason Kidd mouthing “Hit
me” before Tyshawn Taylor’s shoulder bump
causes Kidd’s drink to spill on the court.
We think Tomlin has the best excuse
considering Jacoby Jones is an accomplished
dancer who went all the way to the finals of
Dancing With The Stars. Who can blame you,
when you see Jacoby foxtrotting your
direction, if you want to show off your salsa
“Hey, Jacoby, Len’s not here. Your mom can’t
influence the refs. What do you think about
this sidestep? You want to see the half turn?
Is it a 10?”
Jason Kidd’s original excuse was “The soda
slipped out of my sweaty palms.” Could he be…
er… Kidd-ing? And, of course, the NBA was
quick to go “Sure, one of our all-time assist
leaders can’t handle a tiny little soda cup.
It’s a good thing Mayor Bloomberg prohibits
those 48-oz monsters.”
Ty Taylor denies he saw Kidd whisper “Hit Me”
and knocking the cup out of his hands was an
accident. Kidd later said since he had no time
outs, the “spilled-cup trick” was a good way
to “ice the free-throw shooter.” Seriously, we
didn’t make this up. He said “ice-the-shooter”
using a spilled icy drink.
For not finishing his drink plus trying to
cheat a time out, the NBA sent Kidd a tab for
$ 50,000. You heard New York drinks were
expensive, you just didn’t realize how much.
We expect the Russian owner of the Nets won’t
be helping Jason pay his bill, not unless
there was Vodka involved.
Look for Mike Tomlin to also get a fine from
the NFL. It could be hefty, possibly six
figures and the loss of a draft choice.
Kidd may have slowed down his basketball
game but Tomlin’s dance move kept the photo
shoppers in business. Minutes after the game
with the Ravens you saw Tomlin on Soul Train,
dancing on a Stay Cool dance machine,
stanky-legging it with the Paloma bulls, with
a twerking Miley, getting it on with Elaine
Benis, bumping into Mayor Rob Ford as he takes
a hike from center.
It just keeps coming. Apparently, Tomlin’s
dance shamed Richie Incognito into giving up
all the lunch money he had extorted. Alabama
fans are asking if is it possible Coach Tomlin
could give Saban some sideline dancing
lessons? Besides making Knowshon Moreno cry,
Tomlin’s stanky leg sideline dance is also
being blamed for knocking a shopper down
during a Black Friday stampede. Whew, at least
he didn’t spill his drink on the field.
Although the fines might seem huge, we expect
the endorsement deals to be even bigger: “When
I spill a drink,” Kidd looks into the camera.
“I like to spill Pepsi.” Tomlin will
flash a mischievous smile and say “When I’m
hungry, I hop.” Then they show him doing the
sidestep. “I hop on over to IHOP.”
friend at facebook.com/stan.silliman