Maybe there’s hope.
There was a squabble during the NFL Lockout. But
eventually billionaires and millionaires got
We thought wow, if these guys can agree then maybe
there’s hope for the guys arguing the “More Taste,
Less Filling” beer commercials. I’d like those
guys come to terms as well as the NBA.
The NBA lockout is a little more complicated,
possibly because very few NBA teams made money.
Salaries have ballooned to $ 5 million
average. Revenues, both from television and
attendance, haven’t kept pace. These are
areas NBA owners have little chance to
change. What they can control are
miscellaneous expenses of which the power cost to
put on a game is major. Big arena electricity is a
Glow-in-the dark basketball.
Yeah, that’s right. I’ve borrowed the idea from
bowling, or more precise, midnight bowling. This
is where you turn out all the lights, have
glow-in-the-dark pins, glow-balls and glow marks
on the alleys.
With basketball, we’d simply make the ball and the
uniforms glow-in-the dark, even the referees unis.
Can you envision it? Or think how romantic it
would be? Can you jump on this bandwagon?
I’m not proposing we clone the ballplayers to make
their skin glow-in-the dark. That’d take too long.
I just want to glow-up their uniforms and
headbands and shoes. That’s doable and could save
millions throughout the league.
I know some of you are wondering why even consider
cloning a glow-in-the dark human? I wasn’t really,
except they’ve cloned a glow-in-the dark dog… in
Again you’re asking “They cloned a dog? South
Korean scientists spent all this money and time
cloning a dog? That’s unbelievable!” You
continue, “Surely they realize, when
glow-in-the-dark applications are concerned how
much more important it’s be for reindeers.”
Gee, of course, as always, you’re right.
“Wait a moment,” your friend chimes in. “It’s
South Korea! Maybe they were trying to create a
romantic dinner without candlelight.”
Hey, please tell your friend to buzz off. No dog
food jokes. We’ll edit that out later. Besides,
I’m having my doubts about the cloning story. I
bet they just stole the dog from Northern Japan.
“But what if it’s true,” you’re saying. “A
glow-in-the-dark dog makes it so much easier to
find glow-in-the-dark ringworms.”
Oh, yeah, I knew you’d find the bright side.
That’s why I like talking to you. I have my doubts
but the implications can stream all the way down
the animal kingdom. First, you turn a dog into a
nightlight, then, of course, fireflies move in and
soon after, one flea will say to another “Well,
there goes the neighborhood.”
“But, Stan,” you say. “Are your glowing uniforms
really going to save the NBA? Make it where we
have a season?”
Glad you asked, buddy. I don’t know. It’s a
try. Maybe glow-in-the-dark uniforms
combined with harnessing an extra thousand or so
fans per game and hanging them from the
ceiling. Would they be comfortable, you ask?
Yes, we’d only use top quality amusement ride
harnesses. But what about refreshments?
Lowered down to them from the ceiling. But what if
they spill their drinks on the floor?
They won’t, because they’ll be above the other
Okay, I think we saved the NBA… and we didn’t even
charge. Maybe season tickets? Maybe one of those
glow-in-the-dark Korean dogs?
Can you imagine the mutts pick up line? “Hey,
Misty, you in heat? Well, bring a little of that
heat over here and watch me light up.”
Gosh, even a gang of cats would want him. “Hey,
Glowmutt, we don’t usually recruit dogs in with us
cat burglars, but with you… we wouldn’t need a